Tip: Learn to ask questions rather than just making statements


Tip: Learn to ask questions rather than just making statements

Over the years, I have observed that I tend to make statements rather than ask questions.  This mode of operation is not something I intentionally set out to do; it just seems to be the way I have learned to communicate in life.  I don’t particularly like the idea that I am a “teller” (someone who tells others what he wants them to know).  I would prefer to be an “asker” (someone who asks questions in order to be better informed before giving a response).  But, the hard truth is at least I recognize that I have gotten used to being a “teller.”  So, if I truly believe there is a better way to do life, how can I make the change?

There is a big difference in those two approaches when dealing with other people.  I believe the difference in those two dynamics occurs as a result of whether you go through life telling everyone everything you want them to know or taking the time to ask questions so you can seek to be better informed.

A few years ago, my oldest daughter, Rachael, and I were riding in the car together and we were discussing this issue.  I asked her if she knew anything I could do to help this situation.  She asked me if I had ever played the “Question Game.”  I told her I did not believe that I had even heard of the “Question Game.”  She went on to explain the rules.  The game is played by two people.  The object of the game is for the first player to ask a question to which the second player’s response MUST be in the form of a question.   Every question must be answered with a question until someone makes the mistake of answering with a statement.  At that point, the game is lost by the player who failed to respond with a question.  I thought the game sounded simple enough so we began to play.  I quickly realized that it was not as simple as it sounded.  It required a huge paradigm shift in my mind to move from making statements to asking questions.  It seemed that every time she asked me a question, I felt compelled to answer it.  I had to concentrate and actually listen to the question she asked me before responding and asking her a question in return. I lost every time we played!

One aspect of the game is crucial.  The response given must be directly related to the question asked.  It cannot be just any unrelated question.  Anyone can simply learn to “Polly-parrot” questions, but that is not the purpose of the game.  Rachael explained that the purpose is to raise a person’s listening ability as well as his or her concentration level.  So the question you respond with must be related to the question that was asked.

I soon discovered it is possible to answer a question too quickly without having heard what is really being asked.  It would be better to take the time to actually think about what the other person asked and then ask a question in return in order to gain clarity before answering.  I have found that process to be very effective.  It immediately increases one’s listening ability. When you start playing this game you are going to quickly see what I mean!

I am reminded of a funny story that illustrates my point.  Little Billy came home one day and asked his mom, “Where did I come from?”  Billy’s mother very nervously replied, “Well…uh, your father and I got married and we decided we wanted to have some children and one night we were talking about it and, and …why don’t you just wait until your father comes home and ask him?”  Little Billy said, “Why can’t you tell me?  What’s the big deal?”  She said, “Well, I just think that’s something your father needs to tell you.  Besides, why are you asking me this now?”  Little Billy replied, “I was outside playing with Johnny and he said he came from Mississippi.  I just wanted to know where I came from!”

Learning to ask questions will not only cause you to slow down and listen better, it will also give you time to think about how to respond more accurately and appropriately to the question being asked.  It may give you more insight into what the other person is really asking than you first realized.

I sometimes still fall back into my old pattern of “telling” rather than “asking”, but, it has gotten a little better.  I see an improvement in my listening ability as well as my concentration level.  I believe all of this is a direct result of playing the “Question Game.”  Thanks Rachael! Once again you have greatly influenced my life!

Life is exciting!  Learn to ask questions and watch the great results that take place in your own personal life. Do you know what I mean?

Tip: Learn to ask questions rather than just making statements

Have a great week!  God bless you!
Dr. Robert A. Rohm

Dr. Robert A. Rohm, Ph.D.

Dr. Robert A. Rohm, Ph.D.

Top selling author and speaker, Robert Rohm Ph.D. is founder of Personality Insights Inc. and The Robert Rohm Co. As you will see, Dr. Rohm specializes in helping people better understand themselves and others.