Tip: Don’t ask for things to change; ask to be changed!


Of all the Tips I have ever shared with you, the lesson in this one is perhaps one of the most important concepts I have ever learned. I must warn you however, it is somewhat dangerous. It will cause you to look at the circumstances and situations of life in a very different manner. It will force you to grow up and see things in a whole new light. Let’s get started.

All of us have had situations and circumstances to come into our life that we did not like. From time to time, we may have felt as though we got the “short end of the stick” or a “raw deal”. Perhaps we lost money on an investment that we believed to be a sure thing. Maybe someone walked out on us and broke our heart. Perhaps someone we cared about dearly got off the right path and ended up with a life that was shipwrecked and full of trouble. We have all had our hearts broken in one way or another. But I am here to tell you that every circumstance and situation that life has brought our way has been for a very important reason.

Most of the time we want our circumstances to change. We look for ways to get out of painful situations and may even pray to be spared any suffering. We often do everything in our power to make difficult situations go away. Unfortunately, there is a glaring problem with that attitude.

I have discovered by personal experience that we really should not seek for things to change; rather, we should seek to be changed by the situations and circumstances that we are experiencing in our life. When we try to get out of a situation, we fail to learn the lesson that has come our way to be a great teacher to us. Trying to go in a different direction to get away from problems is the most immature approach we can take. It does nothing to help us gain personal responsibility. But, when problems are allowed to change us, the result is that we are better for it. Challenges produce self-esteem through personal growth in our life which, in turn, cause us to become wiser beyond the situation in which we currently may find ourselves.

Recently, I heard of an individual with a six-figure income who got mad at his boss one day and quit his job. He hastily sent an email letting his boss know just how upset he was and that he quit. The next day, when he had calmed down, he called his boss to apologize. Unfortunately, he did not get back his job and his written resignation held firm. He lost a six-figure income simply because he got upset with his boss.

My guess is that the man did not get his job back because of his quick temper and his boss was tired of dealing with him. Anyone who has a short fuse and will sacrifice a six-figure income just because they do not get their way in a certain situation does not have the maturity to handle that kind of job in the first place. Now, that may sound harsh and judgmental, but a person who is worth a large salary must also have the personal and technical skills to go with that position. After all, a person who has an extremely good income has usually paid some serious “tuition” to get to where they are in life.

Trying to run away from a situation accomplishes nothing and trying to change it only keeps you from recognizing the message that life is sending you. It is not the problem that needs to change; it is you and I who need to change! If the gentleman mentioned above had been working on himself and his quick temper over the years, he no doubt could have held his tongue and would also still have his six-figure income position!

When I began to recognize this truth several years ago, everything in my life began to change. I moved from being frustrated and upset when things did not go the way I thought they should, to a place of peace…real peace! I have learned not to react, but to receive my situation as quickly as possible. It is only then that things begin to change, not because of me changing them, but because of them changing me.

I hope that you will spend some time considering this concept. I do not know what you are going through, but I can assure you it has come into your life to be a help and a blessing to your life. Someone once wisely noted that things do not happen TO us, they actually happen FOR us. That pretty much sums up what I am trying to communicate.

One last note: If you are in a dangerous, illegal, or abusive situation, rather than accepting your circumstances, you may need to get help. But my experience has been that 95% of the time the situations we are in are not dangerous or abusive, they are just situations that we do not like. You be the final judge of your situation.

Be wise as you think through this and you will get the answer you need that will help you to become all you were meant to be. I promise!

Tip: Don’t ask for things to change; ask to be changed!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Dr. Robert A. Rohm

Dr. Robert A. Rohm, Ph.D.

Dr. Robert A. Rohm, Ph.D.

Top selling author and speaker, Robert Rohm Ph.D. is founder of Personality Insights Inc. and The Robert Rohm Co. As you will see, Dr. Rohm specializes in helping people better understand themselves and others.