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Have Questions about DISC? Refer to the sections below.
Q & A : General Questions about DISC
1. I feel like I have some of each style. Is that possible? Yes! This is one of the best things about the DISC system. No one is purely a “D,” “I,” “S,” or “C.” Rather, each of us is a blend of these four traits, to a greater or lesser degree. Your primary trait is the one we identify with one of these four letters, but you may have above average amounts of some of the others, as well. There is an entire chapter on blends in our book, Who Do You Think You Are . . . Anyway?
2. What research shows that the DISC system is valid? Many university’s behavioral sciences and psychology departments have conducted research into the validity of the four type Model of Human Behavior. In 1921, Carl Jung published Psychological Types in Germany, identifying and describing four “types.” William Moulton Marston earned his doctorate from Harvard in 1921, and was professor at both Harvard and Columbia Universities. In 1928, he published The Emotions of Normal People, advancing his DISC theory. In the 1950’s, Walter Clark developed an assessment tool based on Marston’s work, the “Activity Vector Analysis.” Today, more than 50 companies use the Marston DISC Theory as the basis for examining patterns of behavior. Experts in psychometrics evaluate the validity of the assessment tool, comparing it (among others) to: Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale, Myers Briggs Type Indicator, Cattell 16 Personality Factor Questionnaire, Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI), Strong Interest Inventory, and the Performax Personal Profile. Marston styled assessment tools have been administered to over 30,000,000 people worldwide and they enjoy respect in the business and education communities. More than 81% of the participant’s colleagues see it as a very accurate picture of his or her habitual behavior patterns. Among those who are primarily “D” in their style, accuracy is rated at 91%; for “I” types, it is 94%. Primarily “S” type individuals perceive an 85% accuracy, while for “C” types, it is 82%. This gives us an 88.49% perceived accuracy, with a standard deviation of 6.43%. In other words, the report generated by this process is perceived as highly accurate, in most situations, by most participants.
3. Are there “blends” or “combinations” of styles? Blends are the unique strengths of “D,” “I,” “S,” and “C” traits in your personality style. So, a blend is an individual thing. A combination refers to our own blend plus the blends of others as we act, react and interact together. It is within combinations that we experience the stresses and conflicts that cause us to adapt and adjust our own blend to work more successfully with others. Our book, Who Do You Think You Are… Anyway, has a very complete chapter that explains combinations.
4. Can you learn to “read” people and their styles when you first meet them? Yes, you can learn to “read” people, but it is more of an “art” than a “science.” In our Model of Human Behavior, we present certain characteristic traits that help us identify styles. As you meet and observe people, you can decide for yourself if they are more “go” (a “D” or “I”) or more “slow” (an “S” or “C”)? Does their “compass” point them more toward tasks (“D” or “C”) or more toward people (“I” or “S”)? A “D” is both fast-paced and task-oriented. An “I” is both fast-paced and people-oriented. An “S” is both slow-paced and people-oriented. A “C” is both slow-paced and task-oriented. This information allows you to relate better to others’ frames of reference by knowing how they will tend to think and respond. Unless you know an individual very well, you will need to reevaluate your thinking about their personality style as you see new traits displayed. There is a very helpful and informative chapter on developing this skill in our book, Who Do You Think You Are… Anyway?
5. Is there a “best” or preferred personality style? No, there is no best style, although for environment reasons, you might prefer another style. Each style has some wonderful strengths, but with every set of strengths there is a companion set of struggles. As a quick example, I have a daughter who is quiet and reserved, and once she was baby-sitting for some very active children. When she told them it was time to go get ready for bed, they told her, “We’re not going and you can’t make us.” She told me, “Dad, I think they knew I was an ‘S.’ (Kids have a way of bringing out the real you!) She then said, “So, I lowered my ‘S’ and I raised my ‘D,’ and I told those kids, ‘Your parents left me in charge and if you don’t do what I say right now, I’m telling them and you’ll be in big trouble!’ And they said to me, ‘Okay, we’ll go to bed!’ Then, with a big smile, she told me, “Dad, this stuff really works!” As we study the styles, we understand why certain people’s traits help them to excel in certain areas. We can learn to imitate those traits for greater success in our own areas of weakness. The good news is that we can grow, change, and mature to demonstrate those traits we admire in other styles.
6. What motivates people in each of the styles? “D” motivators tend to be bottom-line, profit and achievement “I” motivators tend to be fun, travel and position. “S” motivators tend to be helping people, building friendships and appreciation. “C” motivators tend to be value, excellence and consistency.
7. How does each type approach tasks? “D” = Do it now, do it quickly “I” = Put it off until later, make it fun “S” = Get help from others, use traditional methods “C” = Do it yourself, do it properly
8. What are each types greatest needs? “D” needs challenge and dominance. “I” needs recognition and interaction. “S” needs appreciation and service. “C” needs quality answers and correctness.
9. How should I expect each of these styles to respond to a conflict situation? “D” is forceful and engaging with a desire to come to a decision. “I” interacts and tends to view issues as personal. “S” complies with expectations or avoids conflict. “C” tends to focus on specifics and wants to be right.
10. Do personality styles affect the way people handle their finances? Certainly, because finances involve attention to detail. Here is how the four styles look at a budget: “D” will go over it briefly but tends not to be detail-oriented. A budget is thought of as a rough estimate that must yield to goals and plans. “I” has difficulty making sense of it because it seems too theoretical, rather than being something can be experienced by the senses or valued emotionally. “S” will stay under the budget for safety’s sake and will have great stress in weighing people issues against financial constraints when those difficult decisions must be made. “C” will stay within the budget, but a savings in one area will be applied to upgrading another area in terms of quality. Goals and plans must yield to the precision of budgeting.
11. Is personality style related to gender? Again, there is no correlation between gender and the traits of “D,” “I,” “S,” or “C”. I have known some incredibly strong male “D’s,” but I have also known some incredibly strong female “D’s.” The same is true among “I,” “S” and “C” traits, as well. In many cultures, females are subservient to males and assume an “S” type posture in their presence. However, when they are among only other females, their “DISC” personality traits are very marked. Studies have shown this to be true among African, South American, American Indian, Asian Indian, Oriental and Pacific cultures. Observe the way little girls and boys play with their toys and you will see that Basic Styles are not gender-based.
12. Does your personality style change over time? Research shows us that however you are wired in your Basic Style is who you are for life. But yes, you should mature in your traits as you work on balancing your personality. We define “maturity” as being able to know and understand the appropriate thing at the appropriate time. A major trauma in your life may temper your display of this style, but your Basic style refers to your core self, not how you have adapted it. In Get Real!, our style assessment for teens, we discuss a “High D” teenager going into the Marine Corps. While he is there, his “D” is under the control of others, and he learns it is not appropriate to act as independently as he might prefer. But, he will still be more comfortable exercising “D” type traits. When he gets out of the service, we will see his “D” traits exercise themselves in decisive ways.
13. What is Personality? I remember one of my daughters showing me five pages of sermon notes she had taken in church one Sunday morning. The pastor had spoken on “Overcoming Adversity.” As I marveled at the thoroughness of her notes, she said, “Dad, what is adversity? The pastor never told us, but it sounds pretty bad to me!”
I thought to myself, “Isn’t that interesting?” In the field of communication, we should not take too much for granted, especially when listeners may not know what we are talking about or an audience might not be familiar with all of our terms. So, in order to get the total picture as we discuss personality styles, we should begin by understanding what a personality actually is. Merriam Webster’s Collegiate® Dictionary defines personality as: “3. the complex of characteristics that distinguishes an individual or a nation or group; esp.: the totality of an individual’s behavioral and emotional characteristics.” Another source cites “habitual patterns and qualities of behavior of any individual as expressed by physical or mental activities and attitudes; distinctive individual qualities.”
Knowing what we mean (and don’t mean) is important in our discussion of personalities and styles. Therefore… What is human personality? How does it work and what characteristics does it possess?
An individual’s personality style is made up of several different components. A personality is not simply a behavioral style, an attitude, or an outlook on life – it is much more complex than that! Our true personality encompasses nearly every known area of life. Because more than anything else, our temperament (that is, the way we are “wired”) tends to color or influence the way we view things, we often look at what we call a “personality style” (a style of behavior) as the most predominant force in an individual’s life.
But in order to understand a person’s complete personality, we need to take some other factors into consideration, such as:
(a) their environment,
(b) home life,
(d) position in birth order,
(e) where they go (or went) to school,
(f ) the education they received,
(g) the level of education they achieved,
(h) their particular vocation and,
(i) how it fits into their everyday life,
(j) gender – male or female plays an important role in their overall personality. (Males and females have characteristics that are distinctive to their unique physiology. It would be foolish to think that a man could ever understand what a woman feels and experiences when pregnant or after giving birth. Our gender, indeed, plays an important role in our total makeup.)
Then, we also must remember to factor in:
(k) culture – where we grew up (in what part of the country – North, South, East or West),
(l) nationality or ethnic origin,
(m) age and level of maturity – since “you can be sixteen only once, but you can be immature forever!”, growing older should help us to develop wisdom, maturity and additional insights into how life works best,
(n) intelligence quotient (I.Q.), which reflects genetic factors and measures learning ability within the dominant culture. Each of us learns at a different rate of speed, and we are sensitive to various media and instructional methods.
(o) life experiences, which play a large role in developing our personality. Someone who experiences some very positive events in life perhaps will look more on the brighter side than someone who has experienced great tragedy.
None of these fifteen characteristics, in and of themselves, makes a person who he is. Rather, all of these things combine to give a person his true personality overview. All of these factors contribute to what others think of as your personality – the expression of who you are.
14. How does DISC apply if there is an underlying mental health condition such as autism, PTSD, Aspergers for example?
Marston’s original work on DISC was called the Emotions of Normal People. He theorized the 95% of a general population was “normal” – which meant they were not in prison or some other kind of mental institution. That meant the 5% of any given population group were not normal.
His original work was done over 100 years ago – so during that time the word “normal” has changed a lot to say the least. And to complicate matters even more there is a wide range of statistical data within any given behavior disorder (from mild to severe). ADD, ADHD, Asperger’s, Autism, PTSD, Behavior defiance disorder, etc., etc. The list is still growing!
The answer depends upon the severity of the condition. My first cousin, Wesley, has Downs Syndrome. He is highly literate and functionable. I have often observed him display all four of the different D-I-S-C qualities at different times. My response to him has always been the same – to show him love and respect, but realize there are additional circumstances and challenges that may need to be taken into consideration when dealing with him.
I have not found it necessary or have the need to perfectly or correctly evaluate the personality style of individuals with special needs. It is too unpredictable. Just showing them love, respect and attention may be the best approach in any given situation.
I suppose a doctoral level dissertation project could be applied to this phenomenon. However, I believe the conclusions would be these same observations that I have shared.
15. How does DISC relate to one’s values?
The topic of “values” is very broad as you can imagine. While we do not directly measure a person’s values in our DISC assessment, we do see some correlation between one’s DISC scores and one’s values.
Dictionary.com defines values as “a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life.” While there are many lists of values available from many sources, it is clear that there are trends in terms of what people value based on their personality styles. From a sample list of values found at yourdictionary.com we can propose these general correlations as examples:
D’s tend to value task-oriented and productive concepts such as
Dependability, Reliability, Loyalty, Commitment, Efficiency, Innovation, Spirit of adventure, Motivation, Passion, Respect, Courage, Perseverance
I’s tend to value people-oriented and involved concepts such as
Loyalty, Open-mindedness, Honesty, Creativity, Good humor, Compassion, Spirit of adventure, Motivation, Positivity, Optimism, Passion
Respect, Service to others
S’s tend to value people-oriented, stable concepts such as
Dependability, Reliability, Loyalty, Consistency, Honesty, Good humor, Compassion, Respect, Service to others
C’s tend to value task-oriented, specific concepts such as
Dependability, Reliability, Loyalty, Commitment, Consistency, Honesty, Efficiency, Innovation, Respect, Education
These are just example values and are not intended to be the same values that others might measure or list. The point is simply that personality traits and values have a correlation to an extent that there are trends. Obviously, any person can have any set of values. It is widely accepted that one’s values are less pre-determined in a person’s life vs. one’s basic personality style. Therefore, it would not be fair to assume a person’s values based on his or her personality traits. Even so, we find the example tendencies above to be the case.
Lastly, it may be helpful to think in terms of priorities when considering values. A person may highly value two different concepts but simply prioritize one value over another. In that case, it is not a matter of whether the person highly value one area and not another, but that he or she has a higher priority for one value over another. For that reason, we do not make any ethical assumptions or value assumptions based on personality styles in our assessment process.
16. How does your DISC Certification work?
We offer DISC certification at two price points for two different kinds of certification. We have been at this for over 35 years, so we are well recognized as experts in this field.
Option #1: The Certified DISC Profile Analyst (CDPA) online self-paced course
This course is designed to equip you with a good knowledge of DISC and give you the ability to offer online DISC profiles to clients and skillfully debrief them on their profile report in detail. This is a perfect training course if you want additional skills, credentials and personality profiling tools to work with people one-on-one. You’ll also get a 20% discount on our resources in our online store after you complete the course. This is a low cost option to get trained in DISC with a focus on the online profile toolset which is so popular.
Option #2: Level 1 DISC Certification Training to become a Certified Human Behavior Consultant
We offer a course that is a 2 day live training (via Zoom) that equips you with a good knowledge of DISC with a focus on learning the material with the goal of training others in the material (train-the-trainer). The content you focus on will be booklet-based and PowerPoint-based – which is the kind of material that you use to train groups, teams, and organizations. We have also developed e-booklets if you want to train remotely via Zoom for example. You’ll have a 40% wholesale discount on all of our resources including our extensive set of PowerPoint presentations and booklets after you graduate from the class.
About our Certifications:
The concept of the DISC personality model is public domain and therefore is not officially owned or regulated by any single entity or certification standard. We have decided to self-certify as a result and have done so for over 30 years. Personality Insights, Inc. was one of the first established training companies specializing in DISC anywhere in the world having been in business for over 35 years without a change in ownership. As a result, our DISC certification is one of the most respected and recognized DISC certifications available anywhere. We are second to none in quality. We provide our official certification seals and certificates that can be displayed to convey your new credentials.
It’s our honest opinion that you won’t find any better training or set of resources in the world of DISC certification.
Yes, our position is that the DISC assessment results are, for all practical purposes, independent of cultures and nationalities. We do not make any adjustment for the assessment results based on culture or nationality (for example Japanese, German, Italian, Canadian, New Yorker, Texan etc.). Our assessment basically measures who you “really are” independently from how you tend to behave in your environment.
The more detailed answer is that our DISC assessment yields two graphs – one graph which we call the Basic Graph (graph 2) revealing your basic inherent personality style and one graph which we call the Environment Graph (graph 1) reflecting how you tend to behave in or adapt to your environment. These two graphs are derived in the assessment by having participants choose among descriptions that are “most” like them and descriptions that are “least” like them. The “least” choices are not significantly influenced by outside environmental or cultural factors. Thus, the “least” choices are used to reliably score a person’s personality style.
Where you could see some potential cultural influence is among the answers for the “most” selections. That is the case for any environmental factors (home, work, school, culture etc.). The “most” selections are used to create graph 1 which provides useful feedback to visually compare a person’s basic personality graph (who they really are) alongside their environmental graph (how they tend to adapt to the environment). Significant graphical differences can indicate that a person may have to significantly adjust his or her behavior to adapt to their environment which could be a potential for stress.
In summary, the personality blend results (graph 2) are reliable for any culture while significant cultural influences would be reflected in variations in graph 1 (environment graph that does not affect the feedback of the profile report). Our culture may influence our graph 1 behavior (environmental graph), but it does not change our basic, inherent personality style (who we really are as reflected in graph 2).
Here is a link to our validity and reliability study where our assessment received very high stores:
Q & A : Business Questions about DISC
1. How can you use personality styles information to sell? Here is a real life example of selling that applies DISC concepts successfully. Bill Bonnstetter tells it in The Universal Language: DISC, A Reference Manual (Copyright 1993 by Target Training International, Ltd.). A successful salesman of Pontiac automobiles, who understood the DISC “language” and knew the strengths and weaknesses of his own “S” style, was visited in the showroom by a married couple looking to buy a new vehicle. Observing their behaviors, he recognized that both the husband and wife had “C” type profiles. The couple explained that they had pretty much decided to buy a Ford, but they wanted to gather information on a comparable Pontiac. The salesman understood they would feel they had covered all their bases and would be more comfortable with their predetermined decision to buy the Ford. He also knew that emotionalism and pressure would not help him make a sale. He knew they preferred to remain objective. He offered them the variety of information they had requested in a nonconfrontational, slow-paced manner. Knowing that they were on their way to the Ford dealership up the street, he recommended that they ask for a particular Ford salesperson, one whom he knew to be a “D,” who did not know anything about personality styles and preferences. Why? Because he expected the “D” Ford salesman would be “pushy” with these cautious buyers. If this happened, perhaps the couple would “sour” on their Ford decision and visit him again to discuss Pontiacs. Predictably, the “D” salesman tried to close the sale immediately. That was enough to throw up the couple’s yellow caution flag. After a few more thoughtful days of collecting information, they returned to the easygoing Pontiac salesman to buy their car. Did the Pontiac salesperson unfairly manipulate his customers? It is a simple fact that people buy from people they like. For this couple, their feelings about the person from whom they bought their car was more important than the brand of car they bought. Even though they felt they were being objective, they made their decision emotionally: who were they comfortable with? According to Stanford Research, 85% of our success is related to our people skills and only 15% is related to technical skill and ability.
The salesmen discovered that making people happy and the customers’ confidence are very much related to personality styles: The higher the “D,” the more he prefers to be in control and decide for everyone else. The lower the “D,” the more he prefers to be a team player and decides not to decide. The higher the “I,” the more he prefers to be with people and talk things out. The lower the “I,” the more he prefers to be alone and think things out. The higher the “S,” the more he prefers a stable, unchanging environment. The lower the “S,” the more he prefers a varying and changeable environment. The higher the “C,” the more he prefers facts, data, structure and order. The lower the “C,” the more he prefers emotion, spontaneity and excitement. For further information, take a look at our book, Who Do You Think You Are… Anyway? This and many other topics concerning how people interact are discussed at length.
2. Are certain jobs better suited to certain personality styles? Once, after a seminar, a man said to me, “You mentioned that ‘D’ types often make good police officers. I am a little concerned because I’m a police officer, but I am a ‘C.’ Can a ‘C’ make a good policeman?” I was thinking about Columbo and what an excellent investigator a ‘C’ can be, and I thought about how complete a ‘C’s’ reports would be, and how detailed his testimony would be in court. So I asked the man, “What do you do in the police department?” He replied, “I’m on the SWAT Team.” Honestly, I could not picture a ‘C’ battering down a door like a commando, but I asked him one more question: “What do you do on the SWAT Team?” And he replied, “I’m a sniper.” Perfect! If I were in a hostage situation, who would I want aiming at the terrorist who was holding a gun to my head? After all, a “D” tends to work like this: Ready… Fire… Aim! An “I” tends to work like this: Ready… Aim… Talk! An “S” tends to work like this: “Ready… Ready… Ready… (in this case, the “hesitation factor” could kill you!) But a “C” tends to work carefully and accurately, like this: “Ready… Aim… Aim… Aim… I know I would want a very cautious person on that kind of assignment. It is generally true that any personality style can learn to perform a specific job. But the issues of comfort and fit and area of contribution can be heavily influenced by traits associated with specific styles. Much more detail on how this information relates to work and environment can be found in the “DISCovering Your Work Design” chapter of Who Do You Think You Are… Anyway?, our Get Real! Teen Profile Assessment, our Adult Profile Assessment, the book Positive Personality Profiles, and in very specific application in your own Success Package ® computer scored Assessment report.
3. How can employers use this information? The use of assessment instruments promotes objectivity and can reduce human bias in screening and evaluation. Rather than giving a fuzzy “you’ve got to do better” pep talk or a dark threat of termination during employee reviews, a manager can sit with an employee and say, “Your responses indicate that you really enjoy interaction with people, but that you really don’t consider yourself a detail person. This may be why your reports have been late and why some of your figures didn’t add up. Now that we have identified this area, let’s put together an action plan that will help you meet deadlines and improve accuracy.” In assembling a work group or project team, a glance at the proposed participant’s profiles will suggest balance or imbalance in desired skills, priorities and orientation. Sharing this information among team members may help them work together more effectively – understanding each other’s communication styles and work habits. In one hospital we know of, employees wear a little colored button that represents their style, reminding others how to adapt and adjust for improved productivity and harmony. The Human Resources Department reports great excitement and acceptance by the staff and a more ready acceptance of employees as contributing team members. An automobile dealership invested in six hours of DISC training for its entire sales force. The following Saturday, they broke the dealership’s all-time daily sales record. Soon, they broke their monthly sales record, followed by their all-time weekly record. The General Sales Manager explained their success by learning to think from their customers’ perspectives: “We no longer sell cars. We work to make people happy!”
Q & A : Education-related Questions about DISC
1. How do personality styles affect learning?
A “D” type child’s approach to learning is: I want to do things my own way! “D”s want to know what the material is about before they decide if it’s worthy of their time and trouble. They are “big picture” people and want you to be quick and to the point. They want to be in charge, and they often do well in helping to teach the class. An “I” child’s approach to learning is: I want to do things the fun way! “I”s learn best in a relaxed atmosphere because pressure throws them into panic. They love to learn by playing games and enjoy being creative. They tend to be very tactile. If they can see it or manipulate it, they can understand it. An “S” child’s approach to learning is: I want to do things the easy way! “S”s do not like a fast pace or change; they want their teacher to slow down so they can process what is happening. They tend toward self-doubt, so they appreciate a teacher going over the information again. They want to please others and feel education is a cooperative process. A “C” child’s approach to learning is: I want to do things the right way! “C”s expect their questions to be answered with quality information. they love facts and figures. They tend to be perfectionists. Explain expectations beforehand, so they can measure their progress. This environment is in harmony with their basic style. Most enjoy doing extra credit work.
2. What about ADD / ADHD and personality styles?
“All that wiggles is not ADHD!”, Katherine Koonce, M.Ed., Director of Charis Learning Resources An ADD person is inattentive. Attention Deficit Disorder is a real medical condition, not an educational label. The American Psychological Association lists 14 traits in association with ADD, at least eight of which must be displayed frequently in a child before the age of 7. These traits must be manifested for at least six months to be identified as true ADD. An ADHD [Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder] person is impulsive, and similar stipulations for diagnosis apply. Recently, other conditions such as Tourette Syndrome have been included in the general category of ADHD. People with ADD or ADHD have normal to above-normal intelligence, and their attentional problems are not due to mental retardation, deafness, etc. Their challenges are physiological, which is why they respond to certain medications that allow them greater periods of concentration. Too many active, outgoing type children are casually labeled as ADD or ADHD simply because they have a short attention span and have difficulty sitting quietly. It is unwise to lump every problem into one simple solution. Just because people (whether “D,” or “I,” or any other personality style) have difficulty memorizing information or concentrating for long periods of time, they should not be excused from self-discipline and hard work. If your child has difficulty concentrating, I suggest six, 10-minute study periods, rather than one, 60-minute study time. There may be an “incentive” to label children ADD or ADHD within our existing education system. Currently, federal “special education” funds are available to schools and families with ADD and ADHD identified children. Perhaps some people tumble into these categories who do not rigidly fit the definitions. Understanding personality styles can make all the difference in the world for parents and teachers who see these signs. There is a good chance that altering your style of teaching or communication will produce drastic results!
3. Are certain personality types better suited to succeed in our education system?
Research suggests that our current education system works well for 22% of our school age population. What is this environment like? Sit quietly in your seat. Take notes. Store facts. Manipulate data. Raise your hand. Follow a regimen. Stick to the schedule. Ask permission first. Comply with the rules and expectations. Which of the four styles does this sound like to you? Task-Oriented and Reserved/Slower-Paced students do well in this environment, and behavioral research tells us that 20-25% of the general population has a “C” type profile (Task-Oriented and Reserved/Slower-Paced). The remaining 75% of our student population, the ones the system does not accommodate well, are those who have People-Oriented and/or Outgoing/Fast-Paced styles. “D” types are task-oriented, but they don’t stay in their seats and take orders. “I” types are the antithesis of “C” types who succeed in this environment. “S” types are slower-paced, so they can appreciate the tempo, but they are much more influenced by people than data, by feelings than facts. These varied learning styles are discussed in Who Do You Think You Are… Anyway?
Q & A : Relationship related Questions about DISC
1. How can married couples or marriage counselors use this DISC information?
In the first Rocky movie, the awkward Philadelphia boxer started dating a quiet, shy, plain-looking girl named Adrien, who worked away from people in a small pet store. Rocky’s best friend was Adrien’s brother, Pauly, who asked Rocky what he saw in her. (Why in the world would he want to date her?) In his simplistic manner, Rocky explained, “Because she has gaps!” Pauly looked dumbfounded and asked, “What?” Rocky replied, “You know, ‘g-a-p-s’. She’s got gaps and I got gaps, and between the two of us, our gaps meet and we sort of fill each other in.” The goal of successful marriages is learning to complete, rather than compete. Whether he realized it or not, Rocky had discovered a profound truth, everyone has gaps. Whether we realize it or not, we are looking for someone to fill our own gaps, our own weaknesses. It is very helpful to know your mate’s gaps: your mate’s behavioral style. It’s true that “opposites attract… and then opposites attack!” The very things that first attract us to our mates are their “opposite” qualities. When a couple completes the Personality Insights assessments, they can understand each other’s “wiring.” This information will help a couple to establish priorities and understand the areas in which the can complete each other, along with revealing some of the “potholes in the road” where they will tend to compete with each other. Marriage and Family Counselors, and Pastors, are encouraged to attend our Certification & Training conferences to become certified in the use of our Assessment tools. Our office would be happy to discuss the use of these materials with counselors.
2. What kinds of personality issues should an engaged couple explore before marriage?
Pace and Priority are the major issues for many couples throughout life. When one is fast-paced and the other is slow-paced, or when one is task-oriented and the other is people-oriented, expect to experience some conflicts and adjustments. One person likes to go and do, while the other likes to stay and talk… or listen… or read… or think… The way they couples argue has a lot to do with personality styles. Perhaps one is very vocal and “blows off some steam.” It may be very difficult for a sensitive spouse to “forget” it, because to that spouse, it seems more like smog! If one person goes from mountain top experience to mountain top experience while the other person tends to live in the “valleys” of life, expect to experience some difficulties. If two “D” types marry, there may be an ongoing battle for control. If two “S” types marry, they may not quarrel much at all, but they may have a hard time deciding even what restaurant to go to, because neither wants to be in control. Who Do You Think You Are… Anyway? has an entire chapter called “DISCover Your Mate’s Design,” filled with many insights for couples.
Q & A : Parenting related Questions about DISC
1. What “personality clues” should I look for if my child is having problems in school?
As we say in discussing ADD and ADHD, sometimes issues are labeled as behavioral problems, when they may be only a matter of personality “fit.” Many teachers have “S” and “C” personality styles, so they tend to be much more quiet and thoughtful than a “D” or “I” child. If they do not understand a child’s “wiring,” it is easy to dismiss the student as a troublemaker. Classroom harmony and the success of the educational process can be influenced by many issues beyond personality styles, but this may be a good place to start. Is your child treated like a unique individual who is capable of learning, or is he or she being treated like a database with a capacity to receive input? Sometimes a “D” or “I” teacher, perhaps a coach, values “D” and “I” students because of their shared emphasis on competing and winning. In this environment, less outgoing students may have difficulty that is based on personality “fit.” Our first recommendation is All About BOTS: All About You!, our self-scoring profile for elementary -age children. You will be surprised by the insights and communication created in sharing this experience with your child. For your teen who is not adjusting, you will find clues in our self-scoring Get Real! teen profile. You and your children can “talk through” the results of the inventories, and you will probably see their self-image and performance improve as a result of understanding themselves in a positive way.
2. How early can you discover a child’s personality style?
An obstetric and neonatal nurse told us she could spot some behavior indicators shortly after a baby was born. (A “labored” labor is difficult for both mother and child, so it is not always possible to tell if a child is slower-paced or just exhausted…!) There has been some research in this area. Certainly, an infant’s Environment style is learning to adapt quickly to things like gravity, air, light… Questions you can ask yourself are: Does this child seem to be compliant or strong-willed? Does this child seem to be more restless or more easygoing? Does this child seem to respond happily to activity or find it distressing? Does this child seem easy to please or difficult to satisfy? The book written by Charles F. Boyd, co-authored by Dr. Rohm, Different Children, Different Needs, offers many observations for identifying the styles of small children through teens.
3. Why does my teenager seem so different if it’s not due to changes in personality style?
This is an important question, and it is often asked, especially by parents who see their teenagers doing strange things. In Get Real!, our profile assessment for teenagers, I explain it in this way: Teenagers “try on” different types of behavior as they grow up. Have you heard of the “Terrible Twos,” when toddlers push the limits on parents and others trying to learn where the boundaries are? In adolescence, many mental, physical, emotional and spiritual changes occur. During this time, teens “try on” different behaviors to see how they feel, often imitating people they admire. Usually, when an experimental behavior does not work well, or is frustrating and futile, they give up with little damage done. Any adult can look back on their teenage years and remember how they settled down to the “natural” style they had when they were younger. That’s why the Bible says “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is older, he will not depart from it.” The basic personality we are born with is probably seen best between the ages of 4-14, then goes into a tailspin from 14-18, and then smoothes out and produces a great life from 18 and older. Although they are not “required,” the turbulent teen years seem to be a “fact of life” that most people experience. In Who Do You Think You Are… Anyway?, I have written: Parents, can you remember your own energy at this age? How about your dreams for achievement or greatness in ways your family did not understand? As you matured, you put a lot of that “silliness” away. But in doing so, I hope you have not become like the people one teenager described when he said, “Most grown-ups are really given-ups!” As your teenagers go through adjustments, keep your finger on their pulse. If their heart is still warm and tender, and their will is pliable, thank God. I like this thought from Logan Pearsall Smith: “Don’t laugh at a youth for his affectations; he’s only trying on one face after another till he finds his own.” For added perspective as a parent, find your own face in an old high school yearbook! It may help you remember some of the experiences and phases you came through in order to become the reasonably sane and responsible adult you are today.Therefore, while your children are “finding their face,” you won’t lose your mind!
Q & A : Spiritual Growth Questions about DISC
1. Are there references to personality styles in the Bible?
Of course, the DISC Model is not discussed in the Bible, but neither is chemistry or hydroelectric engineering, even though all of these are based on elements and principles that have existed since time began. In Dr. Robert Rohm’s book, Positive Personality Profiles, we provide examples of personality styles seen in Jesus’ disciples. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” A good translation from Hebrew into English is: “Train a child according to his way…” It refers to a unique inner design or direction. It does not refer to some prescribed path that everyone should follow. Therefore, as Charles Boyd notes, a more accurate rendering of this verse would be: “Adapt the training of your child so that it is in keeping with his natural design; when he comes to maturity, he will not depart from that pattern of life.” Practical stuff, isn’t it? The verse actually instructs us to nurture our children according to their nature!
2. Is there a way that I can pray more specifically for my children using the personality information?
Yes. Different personality styles indicate different strengths and weaknesses. In order to pray more specifically for each of your children, it is helpful to hone in on their unique strengths and weaknesses. Our new book, Praying for your Child, is specifically designed to help parents enlarge their understanding of how to pray for their children. The prayers included in the book will guide parents on how to pray in order to expand their child’s strengths and develop their child’s weaknesses.
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