The Personality Insights Lounge (blog)

Most of us at one time or another have seen some kind of race.  Perhaps it was a Nascar race, horse race, or maybe an hundred-yard dash in one of the Olympic games.  (Did you read where someone once again just broke the world record for the 100 meters a couple of weeks ago?  I am constantly amazed that the record time for the 100 meter dash keeps getting faster and faster.  It just seems incredible that anyone can run that fast!) 
 
In every race or game there is some kind of completion.  In football there is a goal line.  In baseball there is home-plate.  In racing there is a finish line.  Every golfer knows that there is a finish line of sorts at the end of each hole and finally there is a finish line at the end of all eighteen holes.  A finish line helps you to establish a point of reference.  It is when you know you have finished the race or game.
 
The challenge in life comes for us when the finish line is unclear.  Because there is no one standing there waving a checkered flag as we cross the finish line, we often pass it up and keep on going.  When we do not know what the finish line looks like, we often miss it. 
 
In 2005 I crossed a finish line in my life.  I won’t bore you with the details about it, but because I did not know what the finish line looked like at the time, it took me four more years to realize that I had past it a long time ago.  Rather than be upset about it, I have acquired wisdom and insight to know what the finish line looks like so that the next time I begin to approach it, I will be more aware.
 
Perhaps you have heard of Robert Kiyosaki.  He is the famous author who wrote the Rich Dad, Poor Dad series.  He invented a game called Cash Flow that goes along with the concept of his book.  It is an educational tool that teaches you how to look for the finish line in your financial life.  The goal of the game is to get out of the financial rat-race.  However, you can never learn how to do that until you discover that there actually IS a finish line!
 
I have discovered over the past four years that there are a few questions that I can ask myself that will help me to better see my finish line the next time I approach it.  For example:  What is my objective?  What am I actually trying to do?  What kind of life-style do I really want?  How do I accomplish those steps in front of me?  And finally, after I have those issues clear in my mind, the last question I need to ask myself is, what would it look like to stop?
 
Now, I am not talking about quitting in life.  I do not think retirement is a wise endeavor at all!  Every time I hear about someone who finally retires, it is not long until they die, so I am not talking about retiring.  I am talking about knowing how to establish some markers in life so you can actually know where you are.  When I hear someone say, “Well, my goal is just to make a whole lot of money,” I know that they do not have a finish line.  They have not learned how to temper their life in a way that will set some clear markers and indicators and a finish line.  Life is not about throwing things up on the wall to see what sticks.  Life is about having a plan.  It is just very, very difficult to do; especially when we have not gone that way before.  However, as I said earlier, when we know what our goals and objectives are, and what our finish line will look like, there will be a much greater chance of hitting our mark.
 
Let me encourage you to sit down this week and ask yourself where you are on this journey called life.  We are all given a certain number of days in which we can enjoy life.    I have come to see that it makes a whole lot more sense when you have a finish line that will help you know when it is time to stop and begin some other endeavors that are in your heart.  There’s an old saying, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll never get there.”  Perhaps that applies to this Tip more than any other.  I believe it does.

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Almost all of us have at some point in our lives had circumstances or situations that were unexpected or which caught us off guard.  Those times can be difficult.  Someone once wisely noted that it is not so much what happens to you in life that matters; rather, it is in how you deal with what comes your way.  I have come to believe that is very true! 
 
There are four things that we can do which will help us to deal with the unexpected challenges of life.  Each of these is a very important step to take which will get us through our difficult times and bring us to the destination where we will find peace, happiness and fulfillment.
 
The first step is to focus on the future, rather than the past.  It is so easy to fall into the “if only” game.  In the last several months, I have heard so many people talk about bad investments they have made and “if only” they had seen a recession coming, they would have done things differently. 
 
Instead of worrying about who is to blame or what kind of unwise decision you may have made, why not focus on where you need to be and the steps you want to take in order to get there?  It is very important to get a good, clear visual image in your mind of what you want your future to look like.  Then, begin moving in that direction and take the next necessary action steps that will help you to accomplish the vision and dream you have in your mind.  I do not think the past should be ignored, but after taking a few minutes to look at the situation, it is essential to get firmly focused, like a heat-seeking missile, on your future.
 
The second thing that we need to do is begin to focus on the solution.  I cannot count the number of times that I have talked to people who have problems and all they want to do is rehearse their problem over and over and over again, rather than looking for the solution.
 
Years ago when I was a school principal, we had a printing press.  One day, a metal pin broke in the machine and it would not work.  When we called the repair company, they told us that it would be a couple of weeks before they could have it fixed.  Although I am not mechanically inclined, I looked it over just to see what I thought was the problem.  When I saw where the pin had broken, I got the idea of sticking a 16-penny nail down in the hole and see what would happen.  Sure enough, when we turned the press back on, it worked just fine. 
 
Eventually, the repairman came to correct the problem and when he saw what I had done, he told me that was one of the most ingenious solutions he had ever seen.  All I know is that I was not looking at the problem; I was looking for the solution.  And, I found one!  Some of the greatest solutions in the world have come about because there was a problem.  It is true - necessity is the mother of invention. 
 
So, when there is a problem, think and talk about the solution.  Try to find what the next step would be to overcome the obstacles or set-backs that you are facing.  Rather than wasting time rehashing, discussing and reflecting on the problem, get clearly focused on the solution.  When you focus on the solution, you are focusing on the positive.  When you focus on the problem, you are just focusing on the negative.  As soon as you begin to think in terms of a solution there is a shift that takes place which turns you into a positive, constructive human being.
 
The third step is to look for the good in everything that takes place.  This is where it really gets difficult.  Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, who was the father of positive thinking, once said, “Whenever God wants to give us a gift, He wraps it up in a problem.”  Just being aware of that concept has helped me have a better attitude when I face a problem. 
 
If someone gave you a gift, but you did not like the wrapping paper, you certainly would not make a big deal about it.  You would simply, very quickly get past the wrapping paper and open the present.  I would imagine that every one of us has gotten a nice gift that wasn’t wrapped perfectly at sometime in our lives.  But, we didn’t complain, because the gift was much more valuable than the wrapping paper.  The bigger the gift that you receive, the bigger the problem in which it may be wrapped. But, again, look at the gift rather than how it is delivered or what wrapping paper it came in.
 
Finally, seek to find a valuable lesson in whatever happens.  If each one of us believes that the challenges that come our way are exactly what we need in order to help us become successful, then we will not become bitter or resentful when we have a challenge on our hands.  The situation that we face is actually, I believe, trying to teach us something and help us be a better person so that we can learn and grow in some area of life.
 
All of us have a choice as to how we deal with life and the circumstances that come our way.  These four ideas have come as a result of things I have learned in my own life which have given me direction and guidance to help get me through some challenging times.  I trust they will be helpful to you as well!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Have you ever had a situation that you did not know exactly how to handle? Those times are usually extremely difficult and stressful. Typically the problem itself is not the biggest challenge that we face. The real stress comes from not knowing what to do about the problem. Such a situation happened in my family many years ago.

When my daughter, Esther, was just learning to walk, I noticed that she seemed to be extremely pigeon-toed. I hoped that she would grow out of it but as the months passed, it did not seem to get any better. I felt very concerned and afraid because I had heard many horror stories about children who had to wear leg braces for months, or even years, until their legs were straightened. I was concerned about the problem, but not knowing what to do about it concerned me even more!

We finally took Esther to Dr. Leila Denmark. She has the reputation of being one of the wisest pediatricians who has ever lived. Being around her and listening to her talk is like listening to a female Solomon! There is just no one else like her. Anyway, Dr. Denmark took one look at Esther’s legs and said, “You need to put this child on roller skates!” I had not taken her to the doctor to be told to take her out for a fun time with her dad. I wanted to find out what to do about her legs! Dr. Denmark must have read my mind because she said, “Roller skates are the greatest device known to mankind to help children have straight legs.” She continued, “The weight of the skates pulls the legs downward and makes the muscles form in the right direction. Then the repetition of pushing the legs with the heavy skates on will cause her legs to get straighter and straighter each day. I have seen this many times before and roller skates are the answer!” Then she went on about her business like it was no big deal.

I remember feeling a little frustrated because I just could not believe it was that simple. There had to be more to it than just roller skates! That did not sound like much of a medical solution to what I considered a serious problem.

We purchased some roller skates for Esther and, even though she was a very little girl, she started skating. She skated all day long. She skated in the house on the carpet, outside on the carport, in the alley, on the sidewalk, and sometimes even in the street. In fact, she has on a pair of roller skates in just about every family picture we took from the time she was about two years old until she was ten. We got so used to seeing her in roller skates that it just became “normal”. All of our other children would put on socks and shoes and Esther would put on socks and roller skates! She skated all summer long and then during the school year, she would come home and skate in the afternoon. She never realized that she was “in traction” for the purpose of straightening her legs. Within a matter of months, her legs began to straighten out and now her legs are perfect and healthy in every way.

You see what I mean? What was a huge problem to me was not much of a problem at all to someone who had the wisdom to know what to do about it. We can talk about our problems until we are blue in the face but just talking about them really does no good. What makes a major difference is when we talk to someone who has the wisdom to know what to do about our problem, challenge, or situation.

I don’t know what new challenges you will be facing this year, but I can assure you that there are many people who are available to help you. They can share from their own personal experience what they have learned in order to help you in the situation or circumstances in which you now find yourself. I would encourage you to do everything in your power to search out those people and keep them close. They will be the ones who can give you the guidance you need when it comes time to make a tough decision.

I know that everyone is willing to give you their advice or opinion, but that is not what I am talking about here. I am talking about someone who has wisdom learned from personal experience that has brought about success in their own life or in the lives of others. That is what you should pursue with all of your heart. It will reward you handsomely and make life better for you in every way possible.

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Years ago I read an article in a magazine that has given me a guiding thought for the rest of my life. It was written by a fighter pilot who was explaining the process by which he had been trained. I was fascinated as I read the story. The author explained how the majority of his training was focused on what could go wrong. Although much attention was also given to learning how to do things right, that was not the main focus. He had to constantly be aware of the unlimited number of variables that could go wrong as he flew his plane. He had to consider what to do in case there was a fire on board, or in case of another emergency that would force him to eject from his seat. He had to always be aware that he was flying with high-powered missiles that could potentially explode at any moment. In addition to that, there was also the challenge of a possible enemy attack while he was in flight. He went into great detail as to all the possible things that could go wrong. Then, at the end of the article, he concluded by saying that he was grateful that he had been trained in that manner because, although he never had to use any of those tips, he was prepared for any situation that arose. He always felt safe because he knew his options.

This pilot went on to talk about how in life, in business, and in relationships, we have very little training in how to handle what could go wrong. We tend to focus on how wonderful we expect things to be. But, for those of us who have been around long enough, we have learned that some things can, and will go wrong, in business and/or in relationships. Unfortunately, there is very little training that we receive prior to the time things go wrong or in how to avoid trouble in the first place. Therefore, we often panic. You see, it is natural to panic when you are not prepared.

I am amazed when I stop to think about what takes place in an average day in my life. Although there are many things that go right and are very wonderful, there are usually several surprises. But, because I read that article years ago, I have trained my mind to daily look for the endless possibilities of what could possibly go wrong. Fortunately, it has not created a negative attitude in me or caused me to look at the “dark” side of life. Rather, it has caused me to develop a positive attitude and look at the “what if” side of life. Because I am aware that there is danger involved in business and relationships, it has caused me to be more careful as I travel on the road through life.

Think about the last situation that you were involved in that completely caught you off guard. Did you have any training to prepare you beforehand? Had you ever been warned that the possibility could exist? Had you ever considered that what you thought was such a wonderful situation could turn sour so quickly? Again, this is not to be negative or discouraging. It is just a fact. If we learn to look for the possible dangers that are in life, we will be much more prepared when they unexpectedly appear.

We have all heard of the proverbial ostrich who sticks his head in the sand because he does not want anyone to see him. Yet, 95% of him is still exposed. We can stick our head in the sand if we want to, but, challenges are all still going to come our way.

Let me encourage you to look more closely at the wonderful situations in which you now find yourself. Ask yourself what possibly could go wrong. Don’t do it in a way that makes you feel negative, discouraged or bitter. Instead, look at it to see how you could be aware of danger approaching and what you could do to protect the situation.

Again, I am grateful for the article I read so many years ago. It has built in me a mindset of being proactive when it comes to the possibility of things going wrong or falling apart. I want to fly my life as a successful pilot and the only way I can do that is be aware of the possible dangers that are out there. It makes the trip a whole lot more enjoyable!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

The older I get, the more I am amazed by the amount of confusion that abounds in nearly every area of life.  To be clear in our daily communications with others, as well as understanding what is said to us, is a challenge that most of us face.  Even though it only takes a second to be certain clarity exists, my experience has been that very few people are willing to take the necessary time to do that.  However, nothing really gets done unless clear communication takes place.

Many of you who read the Tip each week are involved in a business of one type or another.  While it is important that family and friends communicate well with each other, it is imperative that a business be clear in its message.  If you cannot clearly articulate what your business does, it will not be long before you are either frustrated or fail at what you are doing.

I recently attended a seminar where the speaker said that in order to be successful in business you must understand your unique selling proposition.  He went on to explain that a “unique selling proposition” is that certain something that your product or business has that gives you the competitive edge.

When I heard him say that, my mind drifted back to a business class I took in grad school where we were taught about “differential advantage.”  It is essentially the same thing.  It is the answer to the question, “What does my product or service offer that someone cannot receive from another company or product?”

The speaker went on to say that it all boils down to being clear.  If there is a fog in your own mind about what you have to offer, others will be confused as well.  If you want to succeed in your business or personal life, you will need to move to a whole new level in order to be clear in all that you do.

I refuse to live my life in a state of confusion!  I have graduated from five different colleges so I know that I am not dumb, but I am still amazed at how often I am a little bit in the dark about a situation until I have further clarification.

As I was writing this Tip, I thought to myself, “I know that I have talked about being clear in previous Tips.”  And, perhaps you are nodding your head in the affirmative because you can recall them even as you read this one.  But, it never hurts to be clear about being clear!

Have a great week!  God bless you!

Robert Rohm, Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.