The Personality Insights Lounge (blog)

Over the past few weeks, I have gotten to spend a little extra time with my precious grandchildren.  They are growing up so fast and are such a joy and delight to my heart!  I am glad that I understand personality types because each one of them is unique and they are very different from each other.  Anyone who has two or more children knows exactly what I am talking about.  It is possible for children to come from the same gene pool and yet have very different personality styles from one another.
 
Children need guidance.  That is why they were given parents and other family members to help rear them.  My grandchildren are no different; they need guidance and direction.
 
Recently we were in the middle of some activity and a little bit of conflict was taking place between the children.  I sat down with them and said, “Do you know that all of the problems of life can be boiled down to one sentence?  Do you know what the magic sentence is that will make everything in life go better?”  (When I used the word ‘magic’, I knew I had their attention!)  I said, “The magic sentence to making everything in life go better is, ‘I want to do right and be helpful!’ If you do what is right, you will always be kind to your brother or sister.  And, if you want to be helpful, you will find that people appreciate being around you.”
 
I am not 100% sure where that sentence came from deep inside of me.  But, it was so short and to the point that when I first heard myself say it, I quickly got a pen and wrote it down.  “I want to do right and be helpful.”  I do not believe that life can be reduced to formulas, but I do believe life can be boiled down to simple concepts. 
 
Think about almost any situation in which you find yourself.  If the people around you want to do right and be helpful, won’t that make everything better?  Suppose in your own personal life you want to do the same.  Won’t that make your life better?  Won’t it cause other people to be attracted to you? 
 
I am amazed at how quickly things can fall apart.  Yet, I believe things begin to fall apart in life, business and relationships because someone did NOT want to do what was right and did not want to be helpful.  It really is rather simple, isn’t it?
 
Since I shared that concept with my grandchildren, I have been trying to practice it myself.  I have found that everything goes better when I simply do what is right and try to be helpful in any given situation.  Doing what’s right has a lot to do with my actions and attitudes.  And, being helpful mainly involves my daily deeds.  I wish I had been following this simple concept all along!  It certainly would have made things a lot simpler for me, as well as for others around me.
 
I want to encourage you to take this week’s Tip to heart.  Determine how you can do what is right and how to be helpful in every situation you face.  It will affect your attitude, your health, and your outlook on life.  Pretty soon you will begin to see that all of the major challenges that come in your life, whether in business or in relationships, are because someone is not doing what is right or is not being helpful.  Granted, we cannot fix other people, but we can fix ourselves. 
 
I have discovered that when I put this principle into practice, it is not long before it spreads.  I don’t know who said it, but it really is true, “More is caught by example than will ever be taught by exhortation.”  We can tell people all day long what we want them to do, but the best way to have an impact is to show them by your own actions.
 
I guess my talk with my grandchildren has turned out to be a talk I really needed to give to myself.  I have seen great improvement in their behavior and relationships, but I have also noticed one in my own life as well.  I am grateful God gave me grandchildren so I could teach them some things, but I am even more grateful that He gave me several grandchildren so they could teach ME some things.  I think He had both processes in mind when He created families!  Don’t you?
 
Life is the best school I have ever attended.  I’m grateful this simple concept is having a profound effect in my own life and family!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Have you ever noticed that the most natural thing that you ever do in your life is to see things from your perspective?  I mean, think about it for just a minute.  We don’t wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and have to remind ourselves, “Don’t forget to see things from your perspective today!”  The reason no one has to do that is because we all automatically see things from our perspective.  It is like speaking our native tongue.  It is just a natural experience.  And, since we see things from our own perspective, we typically speak from our own perspective as well.  But, if we are going to say things to other people in a way that they will be able to receive them, it will require some thought on our part. 
 
I know from first hand experience that when I have tried to connect with other people based on their personality type, I have always gotten a better connection.  When I am talking to fast-paced people, I try to talk a little faster.  When I am speaking to someone who is a little more reserved, I slow my words and tone down in order not to intimidate them.  When I am dealing with someone who is task-oriented, I try to get to the point as quickly as possible.  However, when I am speaking with someone who is people-oriented, I usually tell a couple of stories along the way, in order to get a laugh or a better connection with that individual.
 
Not only do we need to consider how we should say something, we also need to be careful what we say.  We can sometimes offend people without even realizing it.  I remember once asking a rather plump lady, “When are you due?”  She replied, “I’m not pregnant!”  So far, I have not found an easy way to retract comments like that.  Therefore, it would serve us all well to put a filter over our lips at times.  It is important that we take the time to think before we speak if we want to communicate well. 
 
I am sure you have heard of the great quote by the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Winston Churchill.  At the height of the battle of Britain, on August 20, 1940, he made a great speech.  He was trying to convey to the soldiers who had fought for their protection and freedom the gratitude of the British people.  Churchill said, “Never was so much owed by so many to so few.”  Now, it would have been just as easy to say, “We all owe those guys a lot!”  But, who would have remembered that?  And, in addition to that, it would not have sounded like a very grateful comment.  By simply taking that concept and thinking about it a few minutes, he said it in a way that has lived in the memories of most people for the last half century.  That’s what I’m talking about. 
 
I want to be able to do that and I’m sure you do too.  However, it does not come automatically.  It requires a little bit of thought and preparation on our part.  When we want to say something to someone, and we want to make it impactful, we should give it a little bit of effort and thought before we open our mouth and say something that is not as well thought out as it could have been.  We need to consider how we can say what we are about to say in a better way, a different way, or a more helpful way.
 
Since the power of our words carries so much weight, and since they are the primary way we connect with other people, I would encourage us all to be more focused on saying whatever it is we want to say in a better way.  Now, I realize that no one can make another person happy or fulfilled simply by our words, however, we can go out of our way to say things in a way that other people can receive them.  Let’s put some thought into what we say and the way we say it so that the person who is about to hear our words will be able to receive them and digest them more easily.

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Recently I got a great email from my good friend, Tommy Thompson. He is the father of the man who married my daughter. We are both father-in-laws to each other’s children. Since we are still at the beginning of a brand new year, I wanted to pass it along to you. I have received many lists like this before but, this is a brand new one. I don’t know if you have seen it yet or not, but I promise you it is a good one.

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day - preferably in the morning and feel your feelings.

3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning, complete the following statement, “My purpose is to _________ today.”

5. Live with the 3 E’s - Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6. Play more games and read more books than you did last year.

7. Make time to practice meditation and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds and walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new positive energy into your life.

14. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip or issues of the past, negative thought, or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like Algebra class, but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the NEGATIVE BLUES away.

18. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.

23. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years, will this matter?’

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. REMEMBER GOD heals everything.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. You job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

31. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.

35. Do the right thing!

36. Call your family often.

37. Each night before you go to bed, complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _____________.

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don’t want a fast pass! You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

40. Send this to everyone you care about. I just did.

And, here are a couple of bonuses:

The only reason to be alive is to enjoy it. Happiness is a journey, not a destination!

“If you need help, ask God. If you don’t, thank God!”

Isn’t that a great list? As I read through it, I couldn’t help but think that I would love to write an expanded Tip on each one of those forty points. Who knows? Maybe I will!

For now, begin to apply as many as possible on a daily basis. I have already been doing this and have found it to be a great help. I am sure that it will be beneficial to you as well.

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

There is much written on the subject of self-esteem. Some of the information is excellent but some of it is not very helpful at all. I think there is a great deal of confusion about the issue of self-esteem. True self-esteem involves humility.

The opposite of humility is arrogance. Those who are arrogant and have a prideful spirit will meet with resistance from others. No one likes someone who is arrogant. However, it is important to exhibit and exude confidence in who you are and what you are doing. All of us want to deal with people who are confident in their area of expertise.

For instance: In 1982 I had a ruptured disc in my lower back and I had to go into the hospital for a procedure. My physician was visiting me the night before to explain what he would be doing. Since I was a little nervous about it, I asked him if he felt good about everything. He looked at me and said, “I am the best orthopedic surgeon in America. I know exactly what I am doing. I have done this procedure a thousand times and by this time tomorrow, you will be fine!” I thought to myself, “Wow! This guy certainly is arrogant!” After he left the room, I thought, “Wait a minute. Isn’t that the kind of person I want to do this procedure tomorrow?” I don’t think I would have been very happy if he had said, “Well, I am not sure that I know how to do this, but we are going to cross our fingers and hope for the best. Wish me luck!” That would not have inspired my confidence in him at all.

I hope you get the point I am trying to make. It is important that we are confident in ourselves and our abilities. We should learn and grow in every aspect of life, whether that is in business, family or personal development. However, while we are doing that, we must not develop the attitude that we are better or more important than anyone else either.

Humility is not about thinking less of yourself as a person. It does no good to think that you are nothing but a worm who is unable to make any meaningful contribution to your life or environment. True humility allows you to be confident in your abilities and yet focus on others and their needs. When you reach that point, I believe you can begin to experience your best growth.

In 1981, after being out of college for ten years, I decided I wanted to go to graduate school in Dallas, Texas. There was a school there that I very much wanted to attend but I knew it would be very difficult because I was married and had four small children. Taking my family across the country and essentially starting all over was not something that I looked forward to. Yet, I could not have done that if I thought less of myself in the process. It actually bolstered my confidence for trying to learn and grow in new areas of life. It was a difficult process, but looking back, I am certainly grateful for everything that transpired during those years.

This week, why not take a few moments to evaluate how you see yourself? Do you really believe that you are an important person and can do many good things that perhaps no one else could possibly do? You must think highly of yourself in order to grow and do better. You can never achieve anything unless you are willing to take a chance and risk some things you have not done before. In order to do that, I believe you must think more of yourself, not less. But, at the same time, you must spend time thinking of yourself less often and focus more on others.

Are you trying to make a better life for your family? Are you working to achieve more success in your business? Are you concentrating on stretching to grow in your own personal life? All of those are good reasons to try to achieve success.

This is a tricky balance to achieve. However, if you spend some time thinking about it and treat this principle with respect, it will reward you greatly in every area of your life.

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

In recent days here in Atlanta, we have seen lines forming at gas stations once again. I can remember back in the 1970’s when the gas lines were long and slow all over the country. This time it seems to be more localized to a few areas that have been affected because of gas regulations and a rash of hurricanes.

Life always has its cycles of ups and downs. And in this downward trend, situations like the one we are facing regarding this gas shortage can be very frustrating. But, I would like to remind all of us of one simple principle. When we panic in a situation, it does not make things better. In fact, it usually makes things worse.

As I have been observing people at gas stations over the past few days, I have seen arguments breaking out, horns blowing, people whose blood pressure is rising due to the frustration, and, in a couple of instances, fights have even occurred. That is because people have panicked because they believed that someone ahead of them would get the last drop of gasoline available and then they themselves would be totally dry. I am not making light of the fact that people need gasoline in their cars in order to go to work and carry on their lives. I am just saying that a huge opportunity exists if we will simply open our eyes and do not panic.

Whoever said that necessity was the mother of invention certainly understood the principle that I am trying to convey in this week’s Tip. There are people right now who are working diligently to find alternative solutions to our gasoline issues. We do not know at the present moment where this is leading, but I can assure you of one thing; it is leading to a whole new source for energy. There is a fortune to be made for the ones who find these alternative methods. When problems and challenges occur, it is time for us to begin looking for new and better ways of doing things. This applies not only in the gasoline industry, but in every area of life.

Years ago, there was much discussion about what would happen when we ran out of coal. Because coal had been the natural fuel source for energy for so many years, it was looked at as the only fuel source for energy. Then, someone came along and asked why we should be limited to one source. Why not try to find another method? And, that was the beginning of the oil industry. The same thing is happening now. There are many people who are looking for alternative methods of energy in order to resolve this nationwide challenge once and for all.

I hope you will not think that this Tip is only about gasoline and our energy crisis. That is really not the purpose of the Tip at all. My point is that all of us should open our eyes and look around for alternative ways of doing things, whether it is in the office, at home, in relationships, at church, or in business.

I met a gentleman years ago who worked for the Thomas Edison Company. He said that each employee had a sign in their office that said, “There is a better way; find it!” He told me, however, that the employees of the company had re-written that motto. The inside joke was, “There is a way - you’d better find it!” In either case, the point is simple: Look for better ways of doing things!

In the last one hundred years we have gone from the slow mode of travel of the horse and buggy to flying in jets around the world in a matter of hours. That is because someone was looking for a better method of transportation.

When was the last time you looked for a better way of doing things - for instance, the storage in your closet? You see, someone looked in his closet one day and thought of a better way to save space and the next thing you know, a whole industry was born. There are even companies that will come into your house and organize your closets for a fee. You can now purchase special bags that you can suck the air out of after you have put the clothes inside, to flatten them and offer more space and storage under your bed. Someone is making a lot of money on that concept. And, the reason is because they were looking for a better way of doing things. (I would not be a bit surprised if someone reading this Tip has a great idea that is worth millions of dollars!) Most of these ideas and inventions make our lives easier, better, and more enjoyable in the long run.

Keep your eyes on the future. Don’t get bogged down in the “panic mode” that many people live in on a daily basis. Start looking for new opportunities and better ways of doing things. That is how fortunes are made!

I started practicing this principle about ten years ago. I keep my eyes open and look for new opportunities and better ways of doing things and it has rewarded me handsomely. The same will be true of you if you stay calm, keep your eyes open and look for solutions.

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.