The Personality Insights Lounge (blog)

As most of you know, we will be celebrating Thanksgiving here in the United States this week.  It is the day we set aside to specifically remember to be thankful for all of the blessings of life.  I am sure that everyone reading this Tip has things for which they are truly grateful.  I am also sure that some of you have experienced challenges this past year or are facing them right now.  That is just the nature of life.  However, I do believe that having an attitude of gratitude is one unyielding truth that can take us through any situation.
 
When I say gratitude, I mean that we are genuinely grateful for what we are learning through the circumstances we may be facing.  I am not saying that we should be glad for something bad happening in our life or circumstances.  However, I am saying that the things that we learn through the circumstances that we face all make us better.  And, the key to getting better, rather than bitter, during the process is maintaining an attitude of gratefulness and thanksgiving in our heart.
 
Stop and think about it for a moment.  What are your alternatives?  When things do not go the way you want them to, you can easily become frustrated, angry, and bitter.  But, is that really going to help?  Will that make matters any better?  Will it help your health?  Will it help your relationships?  I think the answer to all of those questions is a big NO!  You and I realize that having those negative attitudes will do nothing to bring about positive results.  The only real hope that any of us have during difficult times is the healing power of a grateful heart.  That is all that will sustain us or get us through hard circumstances.
 
I was recently speaking to someone who went through a terrible divorce many years ago.  He shared that he had spent many sleepless nights reliving all of the difficult experiences he had faced during his marriage.  He recounted to me the good times and the bad.  He told me that if he had to do it all over again, even though it was extremely painful, he would be willing to do so, simply for the things he learned about himself and about life during the process.  He went on to say that he now knew how to better communicate with not just other females, but with everyone in general, because of the things he had learned that he had done wrong in his marriage.  He concluded our conversation by saying, “I don’t think there was any other way I could have learned these things except through this failure.  I am actually grateful for everything I have gone through and experienced.”  Did you catch the last thing that he said?  It was the attitude of gratefulness that carried the day.  That was the issue that gave him peace in his heart and was the defining factor in the entire situation. 
 
It is certainly true that all of us need to remember that the secret key to dealing with anything that is hard in life is gratitude.  I know that during this Thanksgiving season, the focus is on our freedom, our country and our well-being as a nation.  But, I am also aware that on a more personal basis, the real key to our own happiness during this Thanksgiving season is looking past the turkey and all the good food deep into our own hearts to find a spirit of gratefulness for all that life has brought our way. 
 
Again, I think it is important to make changes and to avoid problems whenever possible.  Although it is true that pain is inevitable, I believe that suffering is optional.  And, the thing that keeps us away from suffering, while at the same time greatly reducing the pain, is a grateful spirit.
 
I hope that this is your best Thanksgiving ever!  Regardless of where you live throughout the world, remember that thanksgiving and having a grateful heart is not just for one day of the year.  It is ultimately the secret that actually takes us through every day of our life!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D
Personality Insights, Inc.

Most of you know that I am a big fan of Chick-fil-A.  I have been eating at the original Dwarf House, where Chick-fil-A started, since 1967.  It is located on Central Avenue, not too far from the Atlanta airport.  That is where Truett Cathy invented his famous sandwich and started his business back in 1946.  Originally it was a very small restaurant with only four booths and four counter seats, hence the name, Dwarf House.  Over the years, it has grown in size but it still remains a cozy place to eat.  Almost everyone who eats there does so on a regular basis.
 
There is a woman who has been working there for many, many years by the name of Rhonda.  She has an incredible attitude.  Regardless of when you walk in or who you are, she will treat you as though you are absolutely the most important customer in the entire world!  She gives you a big hello and sometimes, a hug.  She is always “up” and filled with energy and excitement.  She gets your order right every time and checks on you several times during the meal to see if there is anything else she can do to help you.  She is incredible!
 
Recently I was talking to Rhonda and she told me that they had just promoted her and asked her to teach all of the other servers at the Dwarf House how to do a good job.  She told me that she works with wonderful people and looks forward to teaching them some of the pointers she has learned over the years through her own personal experience.
 
I am not surprised that they chose Rhonda to teach the other servers.  She is so fantastic that it just follows that she should be the one to be in charge of the training.  There is an old saying, “Cream always rises to the top,” and this is certainly true in her case.  All of the other people who are trained by Rhonda will surely have the benefit of her experience and expertise.
 
I congratulated Rhonda and told her that I was proud of her, but she just shrugged it off as no big deal.  She went on about her business with the excellent service and great attitude that she always has had in the past, and which I am sure that she will have in the future.
 
The reason I believe Rhonda is so successful is largely because she enjoys serving people.  It is not “put-on,” or fake, or for show.  It simply comes out of her heart.  She attracts people because she has a genuine servant’s spirit.
 
Have you ever stopped to think about what really causes success in any business endeavor?  I believe it comes down to good service.  Think about the places you enjoy going to most.  Isn’t it because there is good service involved?  And think about how you feel when you get bad service.  It causes you to not want to do any further business with that establishment, doesn’t it?
 
At the end of the day, everything boils down to service.  If a company is succeeding, it is not only because they have a good product, but also because they give good customer service.  And, it also does not matter if it is in a business relationship or a personal one.  Anybody who is part of a family and knows how to genuinely love and serve other people will soon be thought of as someone who is very special in that family, indeed. 
 
It is easy to talk about this.  It is easy to write articles about it.  It is even easy to watch Rhonda do it.  The hard part of service comes where the rubber meets the road.  That is the question, “Am I able to have a servant’s heart towards other people?”  “Am I willing to really care for them and put their needs and wants first?”  This is not easy to do.  Sometimes there are challenges that get in our way and make it necessary for us to deal with situations that are very painful, hurtful, and sometimes expensive.  Yet, I have found that if I can keep a servant’s heart and truly desire to be a blessing and an encouragement to other people, it always makes everything go better; even during the difficult times.
 
If you are ever close to the Dwarf House, be sure to drop by.  Ask for Rhonda and tell her you read an article about her once in the Tip of the Week.  Tell her that you are proud to meet her.  She will be a celebrity for sure!  And, you know the crazy thing about it?  The notoriety will not change the way Rhonda acts one bit.  She will continue to love and serve people with a great attitude because that is just the way she is wired. 
 
I want to be wired like her!  I am working on it.  I’m not there yet, but I am making progress.  I am sure you feel the same way, don’t you?

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Years ago when I lived in Dallas, Texas, I had the opportunity to work with Zig Ziglar.  It was one of the best experiences of my life!  There are some famous people I have gotten to know and the more I got to know them, the more disappointed I became.  With Zig, it was just the opposite.  The more I got to know him, the more impressed I was.  He is a real man of honesty, character and integrity.  He has been an important influence in my life.
 
Once we were talking about motivation and how it is a lot like bathing - it is something we have to do every day.  In that conversation he made the comment that there is also a big difference between being “on” and being “up”.  When I asked him what he meant, he told me a story I will never forget.
 
Zig said that one evening he was speaking at a conference about the power of positive thinking, the importance of staying motivated, and how important each person’s attitude is on a daily basis.  The next morning he was in line at the cafeteria getting his breakfast when a woman from the conference walked up to him and said, “Well, Mr. Ziglar, you don’t look very motivated to me this morning!”  He stood there sort of stunned for a moment wondering what a motivated person would look like when going through a cafeteria line.  He assumed the woman thought he should be dancing or singing or doing cartwheels, or something, while getting his breakfast.  But, her comment led him to think a little further about the whole aspect of motivation.  He finally decided that there is a big difference between being “on” and being “up”.
 
When a person is “up”, that means they have made a deliberate choice to have a good attitude.  They have made a decision to look for the good, the pure and the positive in everything they face that day.  They look for ways to make things better or how they can make a difference so that circumstances turn out as well as possible.  On the other hand, a person who is “on” can turn it on or off as needed.  They come across as fake.  You can almost see in their face or hear in their voice when they begin to turn themselves on in order to impress someone.  They dance around through life, trying to be noticed and let everyone know how wonderful they are!  Evidently, by her comment, that was the lady’s expectation of Zig.  She was expecting a constant, on-going show.  Zig concluded that anyone who is “on” all the time is probably ON something! 
 
I never will forget that conversation.  It helped me to differentiate two small words that have made a big difference in my life.  I don’t want to be “on”.  I don’t want to be a fake.  I don’t want to be the kind of person who turns it on when they are on stage or in the lime-light, and then turns it off when they are with just one or two people.  I want to be the kind of person who chooses to be “up”.  That means that in spite of the difficulties of life, or the circumstances, or the situation in which I now find myself, I will make a deliberate choice to have a good attitude.  I realize that there are always good things taking place around me, and if I will look hard enough for them, I will find them.
 
What is going on in your life right now?  Do you find yourself having to “turn it on”?  Are you forcing yourself to be a fake and do things that you know are just not you?  If that is the case, it won’t be long before you will have to be ON something in order to keep the show going.  If, on the other hand, you choose to be “up”, you will be dealing with a different aspect of your life.  You will be focusing on your own personal choices and attitude.  This will cause you to look for the good, the pure, and the positive in your own life and what is taking place around you.
 
I know this is not always easy.  Sometimes we all stumble into turning it on and off when needed.  But, I have found that it is far better to choose to be “up” rather than “on” and not allow the circumstances of life to destroy me, but rather, to help me.
 
The difference between being “on” and being “up” is only two letters.  It is amazing how two little words with two letters each can make such a HUGE difference!
 
Even though I sometimes stumble, I still choose to be “up”.  Being “up” is a whole lot better than being “on”.  Apply this concept to your life this week and watch what happens!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Almost all of us have at some point in our lives had circumstances or situations that were unexpected or which caught us off guard.  Those times can be difficult.  Someone once wisely noted that it is not so much what happens to you in life that matters; rather, it is in how you deal with what comes your way.  I have come to believe that is very true! 
 
There are four things that we can do which will help us to deal with the unexpected challenges of life.  Each of these is a very important step to take which will get us through our difficult times and bring us to the destination where we will find peace, happiness and fulfillment.
 
The first step is to focus on the future, rather than the past.  It is so easy to fall into the “if only” game.  In the last several months, I have heard so many people talk about bad investments they have made and “if only” they had seen a recession coming, they would have done things differently. 
 
Instead of worrying about who is to blame or what kind of unwise decision you may have made, why not focus on where you need to be and the steps you want to take in order to get there?  It is very important to get a good, clear visual image in your mind of what you want your future to look like.  Then, begin moving in that direction and take the next necessary action steps that will help you to accomplish the vision and dream you have in your mind.  I do not think the past should be ignored, but after taking a few minutes to look at the situation, it is essential to get firmly focused, like a heat-seeking missile, on your future.
 
The second thing that we need to do is begin to focus on the solution.  I cannot count the number of times that I have talked to people who have problems and all they want to do is rehearse their problem over and over and over again, rather than looking for the solution.
 
Years ago when I was a school principal, we had a printing press.  One day, a metal pin broke in the machine and it would not work.  When we called the repair company, they told us that it would be a couple of weeks before they could have it fixed.  Although I am not mechanically inclined, I looked it over just to see what I thought was the problem.  When I saw where the pin had broken, I got the idea of sticking a 16-penny nail down in the hole and see what would happen.  Sure enough, when we turned the press back on, it worked just fine. 
 
Eventually, the repairman came to correct the problem and when he saw what I had done, he told me that was one of the most ingenious solutions he had ever seen.  All I know is that I was not looking at the problem; I was looking for the solution.  And, I found one!  Some of the greatest solutions in the world have come about because there was a problem.  It is true - necessity is the mother of invention. 
 
So, when there is a problem, think and talk about the solution.  Try to find what the next step would be to overcome the obstacles or set-backs that you are facing.  Rather than wasting time rehashing, discussing and reflecting on the problem, get clearly focused on the solution.  When you focus on the solution, you are focusing on the positive.  When you focus on the problem, you are just focusing on the negative.  As soon as you begin to think in terms of a solution there is a shift that takes place which turns you into a positive, constructive human being.
 
The third step is to look for the good in everything that takes place.  This is where it really gets difficult.  Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, who was the father of positive thinking, once said, “Whenever God wants to give us a gift, He wraps it up in a problem.”  Just being aware of that concept has helped me have a better attitude when I face a problem. 
 
If someone gave you a gift, but you did not like the wrapping paper, you certainly would not make a big deal about it.  You would simply, very quickly get past the wrapping paper and open the present.  I would imagine that every one of us has gotten a nice gift that wasn’t wrapped perfectly at sometime in our lives.  But, we didn’t complain, because the gift was much more valuable than the wrapping paper.  The bigger the gift that you receive, the bigger the problem in which it may be wrapped. But, again, look at the gift rather than how it is delivered or what wrapping paper it came in.
 
Finally, seek to find a valuable lesson in whatever happens.  If each one of us believes that the challenges that come our way are exactly what we need in order to help us become successful, then we will not become bitter or resentful when we have a challenge on our hands.  The situation that we face is actually, I believe, trying to teach us something and help us be a better person so that we can learn and grow in some area of life.
 
All of us have a choice as to how we deal with life and the circumstances that come our way.  These four ideas have come as a result of things I have learned in my own life which have given me direction and guidance to help get me through some challenging times.  I trust they will be helpful to you as well!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

As most of you know, here in the United States we are celebrating Thanksgiving this week. I realize that this Tip goes to many other countries where Thanksgiving is celebrated at different times. However, regardless of where you live and when you celebrate it, Thanksgiving is a good time to remember to be thankful and grateful for everything that you have. I have often been reminded that success in life has everything to do with an attitude of gratitude. When a person has a good attitude and a grateful heart, it seems to open doors of opportunity for them that would never be opened otherwise. Not many people who are bitter and ungrateful have prospered very much in their life.

Years ago, I heard the story of an Englishman by the name of Matthew Henry. He was a preacher and well-known Bible scholar who lived from 1662 to 1714. His exposition of the Old and New Testament is a commentary that is still in print to this very day. He was known for his practical application, combined with a well-sustained flow of English literature. Perhaps that is what made the commentary one of the best works of its kind.

One day Matthew Henry was riding his horse through the woods. He was on his way to a church meeting where he was going to be the guest speaker. Suddenly, a masked bandit ran out of the woods with a gun in his hand and demanded that Matthew Henry get off of his horse. Mr. Henry obeyed the robber, as he knew this was a dangerous situation. Even though he tried to talk to the man about God and spiritual matters, the bandit would hear none of it. He quickly took all of Matthew Henry’s money and ran back into the woods. It all happened so quickly that Mr. Henry hardly had time to realize what had happened. Although he was penniless, he got back on his horse and continued on his journey.

His mind took him to the thought that we are supposed to give thanks in everything that happens to us. He asked God how he was supposed to be thankful for being robbed! As he continued on his way, the answer came to him. That night he told the story and concluded his message by sharing the reason he could be thankful for what had happened to him that day.

“First,” he said, “I am thankful I have never been robbed before. Second, I am thankful he took my money and not my life. Third, I am thankful he did not take more; he could have taken my horse and my clothes as well. Next, I am thankful that what I had stolen from me really did not amount to very much. Then I am grateful that what I lost, in time, could be replaced. But, finally, and most importantly, I am thankful that I was the one robbed and not the robber!”

Isn’t that a fantastic attitude of thankfulness and gratitude? I remember reading that story years ago and thinking, “I want to be that kind of person.” Not that I want to put myself in harm’s way and constantly have bad things happen to me! But, I want to be the kind of person who looks for the good, the pure, and the positive in everything that happens in my life. If I believed that life was just a string of random events that haphazardly happened to me, I think I would live in a constant state of depression. I must believe that life has its way of teaching me what it wants me to know. If I will look for ways to have a grateful heart and be thankful, I will find them, just as Matthew Henry did so long ago.

During this time of Thanksgiving, let me encourage you to look at even the most difficult, heartbreaking, gut-wrenching situations that you may be facing right now and look for ways that you can be grateful for what has taken place in your life. In the midst of our darkest moments there is still good to be found.

I don’t know about you, but I have discovered that having a thankful heart really is the basis for everything good that happens in my life and it opens doors of opportunity that I never could have imagined. Have a thankful heart and it will open doors of opportunity for you, too!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.