The Personality Insights Lounge (blog)

When I was in high school, we had a guidance counselor who was not very positive.  Looking back on it, I’m really not sure why she even went into the field of education since she did not seem to like students very much.  Nevertheless, that was her chosen profession.  As the school guidance counselor, it was her job to guide us. 
 
Most of us did not have very much vision for our life and future.  In fact, most of the people that we knew basically just got a job after graduating from high school.  College was not something that was on the radar for the majority of my classmates. 
 
I knew that I wanted to go on to school, largely because my parents encouraged it.  They placed a high value on education.  My father would tell me that a college education would not make me better than anyone else, but it would give me more opportunities.  It is interesting to me that in the past few years we hear that message nearly everywhere we turn.  On radio and television we are given statistics about how much more money a person will make in his or her lifetime if they have a college education.  I began hearing that message from my father over forty years ago!
 
Anyway, back to my story.  I never will forget the day that my friend, Bill Perkins, came back to class.  He had just had an interview with the school guidance counselor and I could tell that something was wrong.  I asked him what had happened.  He told me that his visit with the counselor was for the purpose of discussing what he should do after graduation.  I asked, “Well, what did she say?”  He dropped his head and said, “She told me that I was not college material and that I should just plan to stay here in town and get a job at the mill.”  I could see that he was devastated.  His heart was broken; his life was shattered.  His world had come to an end. 
 
Later that day, I saw Bill in the parking lot at school and his entire demeanor had changed.  He seemed to be very excited and happy.  It was such a different attitude than what I had seen earlier in the day that I asked him what had happened.  He told me that he had gone and talked to one of the varsity football coaches, Jim Moore.  Coach Moore had played college football at Tennessee Tech and he assured Bill that he would be able to get him a football scholarship to that school.  Although Bill was not huge in stature, he was an excellent football player and had experienced an outstanding senior year on the football field.  Coach Moore told Bill that he thought he WAS college material and that Bill surely would do well there.  The change in Bill’s attitude was not so much the fact that he was going to college as it was that he had found someone who believed in him.  He found someone who had spoken healing words to him.
 
As I look back on that situation, I now have enough wisdom to realize that what I had seen in Bill earlier that day was a bleeding heart.  A gaping emotional wound had been opened by the guidance counselor.  But, later in the day, I saw a healed heart because of the words spoken by the football coach.  Each spoke words, yet the results and outcome of those words were very different.
 
Bill did go on to attend college at Tennessee Tech, where he played football for four years and got involved in ROTC.  When he graduated, he became a Second Lieutenant in the United States Marine Corps.  He learned to fly helicopters and other aircraft.  He went on to spend the next twenty years in the Marine Reserves until he became a full Colonel and was able to retire.  Also, during that time, he worked full-time for Lockheed selling aircraft.  His territory was the Middle East. 
 
Bill called me a few weeks ago to check up on me.  He now lives in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, where he has recently retired from working for Lockheed.  I asked him what his largest order had been while working there and he told me that he had one order for four billion dollars! 
 
Considering the fact that Bill not only went to college, but graduated; that he went on to become an officer in the United States Marine Corps; and that he invested forty years with Lockheed as one of their top salesmen; I would say that it was foolish to tell him, “You are not college material!”  I would say that was one of the most incorrect statements in the last century.  Wouldn’t you?
 
I once heard that it takes nine positive interactions with someone to overcome one negative interaction.  Although that may be true, I have also seen that it only took one really good, positive interaction to overcome one bad, negative interaction.  I saw it first hand years ago.  I am so proud of Bill’s accomplishments and still proud to this day to be his friend!
 
I want to encourage each one of us to be careful that the words we speak to others are emotionally healing words.  Our words should produce hope and healing.  Life is filled with many difficult circumstances and situations.  Yet, if we face those circumstances with a “can-do attitude,” anything is possible.  This is not “pie-in-the-sky” thinking.  It is reality.  I have experienced it.  You have experienced it.  And, Bill experienced it too.  It is now our job to help others who have not yet experienced it to have their life healed and encouraged by you and me this week.  Let’s go get ‘em!

I can already tell that some of you are saying to yourself, “Well, I certainly do not want to read that Tip!  I already have enough pain in my life.”  However, if you will bear with me for a moment, I think the approach we will take to this Tip will help all of us to be in a better position to understand how the pain process works.
 
Recently I heard my good friend, Guy Harris, share this concept.  Guy is an excellent communicator and has a way of breaking down complex thoughts into simple concepts.  He shared that pain is actually inevitable.  We will either experience the pain of preparation, which takes place before we win, or experience the pain of losing when circumstances do not turn out as expected.  Guy went on to explain that preparation is difficult and takes a lot of time and hard work.  It is painful to know exactly how to prepare for an upcoming situation whether in a business endeavor or in a relationship.  When we walk into a situation, there will always be some unknown factors and a few surprises along the way.  Preparation is important and can be very difficult at times.  On the other hand, after you have prepared and done all that you can to succeed, the hard cold fact of reality is that sometimes you still lose.  And again, that is painful as well.  Guy encouraged us to know that we would experience pain either on the front end of a situation or the back side of one.  He also pointed out to us that the pain of preparation was usually much less agonizing than the pain of losing.  He concluded by saying, “You are going to experience pain, therefore, choose wisely!”
 
I appreciate good concepts and I certainly value the truth of what Guy was teaching.  It is a fact that none of us are going to get through life without pain.  It is inevitable, but I prefer to choose the pain of preparation rather than the pain of losing. 
 
My mind drifted back to the time President Ronald Reagan was speaking to the Olympic athletes in 1984.  President Reagan said, “You, ladies and gentlemen, perhaps more than anyone else, know the difference between the will to win and the will to prepare to win.”  What was President Reagan saying?  He was basically saying, “You are going to experience pain.  However, you have chosen the pain of preparation.  You have chosen wisely.  You have prepared to do the very best you can to win an Olympic medal.”  Did all of the athletes win Olympic medals?  No.  Some experienced the pain of losing and came home with absolutely nothing.  But, on the other hand, some did win.  Some experienced the thrill of victory rather than the agony of defeat.  Yet, all of them experienced preparation pain.  They all chose wisely. 
 
Life is filled with daily choices.  When Guy said, “Choose wisely,” I thought that those were probably two of the most important words that any person could ever hear.  Regardless of the circumstances or situation in which we find ourselves, we should choose wisely.  We should choose the pain of preparation over the pain of losing every time.  If we do not choose the pain of preparation, then the pain of losing will be the natural by product and outcome.  It is inevitable.  On the other hand, if we do choose the pain of preparation, we have a good chance of bypassing the pain of losing.  We have a good opportunity to better our circumstances and situations. 
 
Having thought about this for the past few days has helped me look at daily circumstances more realistically.   Rather than feeling defeated when I am walking into a new situation, I have started realizing that the upfront pain is a whole lot less than the pain on the other end may be.  It has helped me to face the concept of pain with a little more reality, rather than wishing it would go away completely.  That is not how life is designed and it simply is unrealistic to think otherwise.
 
As you look at your situations this week, prefer the pain of preparation.  It will put you in a better position in all that you do.  Doing this works wonders for your attitude, your heart, and your outlook on life.  Always remember regarding pain - choose wisely!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

In previous Tips I have talked about my years as a school principal.  I was only twenty-four years old at the time and had only been teaching for two years.  I was as green as grass!  I suppose someone saw in me the desire to be a leader so they “stuck” me in that position.  Anyway, it was an incredible learning experience and probably caused me to grow up more than anything else in my life, other than having children of my own. 
 
I had teachers on my staff who were old enough to be my parents and I had one teacher, Ruby Davenport, who was old enough to be my grandmother.  I look back on all of this with such irony now because I can see that I actually thought that I was supposed to be helping them.  The truth of the matter is, they were not only helping me be a better school principal, they were probably raising me as a child, as well!
 
One day I was talking to Ruby about some of the behavior challenges we had at our school.  She was seventy years old at the time and a well-worn trooper.  She had a lot of experience under her belt.  Anyway, as we were discussing different students that day she said, “A busy child is seldom a behavior problem!”  She went on to explain to me that most children who misbehave or act up in school are simply doing so because they are bored.  They need to be challenged or they need to be kept busy.  She explained that this was more difficult for the teacher because it put pressure on them to do better planning to stay ahead of those who were causing behavioral problems.  She said that we could eliminate most of our issues if we would simply stay one step ahead of our students by being more active and busy with our curriculum and classroom activities.  Again, I was only twenty-four years old at the time, but that left a lasting impression on me.  The more I taught our teachers to keep their students active and busy, the less behavior problems we had.  And, in time, I can honestly say that with a small exception, most of our behavior problems vanished.  Ruby was right; a busy child is seldom a behavior problem.
 
I have lived long enough to see that a busy mind is also a happy mind.  When I say “busy” I’m not talking about just running around in circles trying to be busy in a bad sense.  But, I am talking about being busy in a good sense.  Maybe a better word would be “active.”  A person who is active and keeps themselves alert, I believe, will be better off than a person who is not active.  A person who is active and learning and growing in their own personal life will be happier, healthier and more productive.  Again, I am not talking about being active or busy just for the sake of having something to do. 
 
I’m sure we all have heard about people who become inactive and soon bad things begin to happen.  In fact, I was checking in at Delta Airlines baggage area recently at the Atlanta airport and was talking to an individual who had been working with Delta for many, many years.  I asked him how much longer before he would able to retire.  He looked at me and said, “I’m not sure I want to do that!” 
 
“Why is that?” I said.
 
He said, “We have found that most of the people here in the baggage department seem to die rather quickly after they retire.  Several of my co-workers have done that.  I have come to the conclusion that I don’t really want to retire.  I think I want to stay active!” 
 
When he said that, I could not help but think of a report I once heard of concerning government workers.  The government has many workers on its payroll; therefore they are able to keep vital statistics on their retirees.  I once read that the average government worker only lives about eighteen months after retirement.  I think there is something that happens inside of anyone who retires and does not stay active.  Their mind begins to speak to their body and it says something like, “You’re all through!  You are finished.  You don’t have to go to work any more.  You have nothing to do.  You can stop now.  Everything has ended for you.”  I believe their body picks up on that message and pretty soon it cooperates and shuts down - completely.  And, that is called death!  I certainly don’t want that to be the case for myself or you.
 
Again, let me reiterate the fact that I’m not talking about just being busy for the sake of being busy, but I am talking about being active, fruitful, and profitable in your life.  You get up every day with new challenges and new opportunities to learn and grow in different areas of your life in which you have interest.  Life is too precious and valuable to get to the place that we have nothing to do.
 
I lived through the “hippie” generation.  Many of them said that their parents’ goal was to get to the place where they could retire.  Therefore, rather than waiting until they themselves got to retirement age to drop out and have nothing to do, they just did it while they were still young.  I believe many in that generation found that was not the way to go.  After they got that nonsense out of their system, they began to have more of a profitable and productive life.  It just makes no sense economically, financially, relationally, socially, spiritually or mentally to have nothing to do.  But, when you are busy, active, alert and fruitful, that will lead you to live a life that is profitable and successful.  I know that’s the kind of life I want and I’m sure that is the kind of life you want, too.

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

If you follow sports, you may have heard of Roger Bannister.  He began his running career when he was a student at Oxford University in 1946.  Prior to that time, he had never actually run on a track.  Back in those days, no one had access to the expert training skills that are offered today.  But, he showed incredible promise in 1947, when he ran a mile in 4 minutes and 24 seconds.  At that time, he had only been training for three weeks!  He was selected as an Olympic possible in 1948, but he did not feel ready for that level of competition.  However, he did attend the Olympics in 1948 and set his eyes on the 1952 games which were to be held in Helsinki. 
 
He continued to train over the next years and saw great improvement.  By 1950, he was running the mile in 4 minutes and 13 seconds.  As time passed, he trained harder and more seriously.  In December of 1951 at the Penn relays, he ran the mile at a rate of 4 minutes and 7 seconds.  Forty-seven thousand people were in the stands cheering him on and with their encouragement, he felt that he could break the barrier.
 
Over the years, there had been many speculations about the possibility of the 4 minute mile.  Some believed that it was impossible, claiming that a runner’s heart would explode if they tried.  Roger Bannister, who later became a medical doctor, stated that many of the propagated myths had been created by sports writers who wanted to profit from the stories.  The world record had been 4 minutes and 1.4 seconds for over nine years.  However, Bannister still thought that the 4 minute mile barrier could be broken and on May 6, 1954, at the Iffley Road track in Oxford, Roger Bannister broke the record. 
 
I wanted to give that background to honor his achievement, but that really is not the purpose of this Tip.  The fact of the matter is that, although Roger Bannister broke a record that had been held for over 9 years, the more amazing thing to me is what happened afterwards.  Forty-six days later, on June 21, Bannister’s record was broken by John Landy, of Australia.  He broke the record by almost 2 seconds! 
 
In the days ahead, Bannister and Landy met and raced each other.  Although Landy led in the beginning, he made a fatal mistake towards the end of the race by looking back over his left shoulder to see where Bannister was and Roger Bannister ran past him to win the contest.  That was a costly mistake which would serve to remind us that we all should keep our eyes on the goal and prize ahead of us, rather than on what might be going on around us.  But, that is still not the purpose of this Tip!
 
I suppose by now you are wondering, “Well, Dr. Rohm, what IS the purpose of this Tip?!”  The point is this; barriers can be broken! 
 
Since the time that particular barrier was broken, there have been runners all over the world who have run the mile in less than 4 minutes.  As a matter of fact, there are children in junior high school who have done it!  What was once thought of as an impossible barrier by the greatest runner in the world has now been surpassed even by junior high kids.  I find that to be remarkable! 
 
What I want you to get from this Tip is that often barriers exist only in our mind.  What is a barrier to me may not be a barrier to you at all.  The things that hinder me in my life may seem very simple to you.  I may let things bother me that are very insignificant.  You may run right past them; and in record time.  Barriers can be broken!
 
I will always be amazed that what was once thought to be impossible is now something that has been accomplished by junior high school kids all over the world.  Isn’t that startling?  Their attitude is just, “Go ahead and do the best you can and see what happens.”  (By the way, I think that is the approach we all should take.)  It worked for Roger Bannister in his life; it works for junior high school kids today; and it will work for all of us, too.  Go ahead, do the best you can and see what happens!