The Personality Insights Lounge (blog)

Not too long ago I watched as my good friend, Jeanine Fitzgerald, gave a presentation to a group of educators.  Jeanine is a master trainer and knows how to communicate great information and concepts to her fellow teachers.  She is one of my favorite instructors because she teaches in a manner that creates an environment in which it is fun to learn.  Over the years she has taught in almost every imaginable environment; from children of parents who were in the witness protection program of the federal government all the way to the students of Harvard University.  To put it very simply, she knows her stuff!
 
In this particular setting, Jeanine used an illustration that I had not seen before.  She had a very full glass of water.  One by one she started dropping coins into the water.  As she did, she talked about how each one of those coins represented a good word that was spoken into the life of a student.   She continued to drop coins into the glass making positive comments that any parent or teacher could give to their children; phrases like, “I’m so happy to see you today;”  “I like that shirt you are wearing today;”  “You did an excellent job on this paper.”  You get the idea.  Each time she made a positive comment, she dropped another coin into the glass.  After doing that many different times, suddenly the water began to spill over the edge of the glass.  The water overflowed out of the glass because it could no longer contain the added coins which had fallen into it.
 
Then Jeanine began to point out several important truths from this simple illustration.  She asked if we noticed that just one coin was not able to cause the overflow from the glass.  It required dropping many coins into the water before it began to overflow.  She further noted that we do not know exactly how many coins it will take to cause the glass to be full enough to overflow.  Another point she made was that the coins built on one another; that is, the last coin was important, but the first coin was equally as important.  They worked together to make the water flow over the edge of the glass.  Finally she reminded us that the overflow took time, one coin at a time. 
 
We were reminded that our children and students are so much like that glass of water.  Each of them already has some degree of water (i.e. self-worth and self-esteem) inside of them.  Granted, some children have more than others, but nevertheless, everyone has some measure of self-value, whether large or small in their life. 
 
Jeanine told us that each time we speak a word of encouragement into a child (or anyone else for that matter), we are adding to the overflow potential in his or her life.  The positive statements and encouragement we provide to other people help their self-worth and self-esteem to grow, until finally, after a period of time, it begins to spill over to the point that they become a blessing and encouragement to others themselves.
 
What a beautiful illustration Jeanine shared with us!  Although I saw her use this demonstration several weeks ago, I have thought about it many times since.  When I speak a word of kindness into the life of another person, I do not know which “coin” it is.  It may be the first one that starts the process of growth toward feeling better about themselves.  Or, it may be a middle coin that helps them just get through the day.  Perhaps it will be the last coin that will provide enough self-confidence to cause that person to make a big change in their own personal life.
 
This week, look for ways to “drop coins” into the lives of others.  Of course, you know I am not talking about actual coins, but rather about words of encouragement; words that will cause the water level in the life of another person to rise until they feel worthy and confident in their own personal life.  Until that happens, they will never be able to be an encouragement or blessing to someone else.  But, if we are the ones to start the process, it will not be long before their glass is full and starts to spill over onto others.
 
What about you?  Are you a “coin dropper”?  You can be the one who pours encouragement into others.  I sure want to do that!  And, I believe you do, too.

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

A few weeks ago I wrote a Tip about finish lines.  If you will remember, I referred to them as points of reference, the end of something, the completion of a task or event.  In that Tip I mentioned the fact that I had blown right past some of my finish lines in 2005 because I didn’t know what they were supposed to look like.  There was no one there waving a checkered flag, so I ran past them, full speed ahead! 
 
Since reading that Tip, many people have contacted me wanting to know how to identify a finish line.  So, I thought that I would take the time to better explain what I believe a good healthy finish line should look like.  I have discovered there are three things to look for regarding your finish line.
 
#1 - Personal Responsibility for Family Members
 
In 2005, all of my older relatives, except for my mother had passed away.  Mom was in failing health and I had the responsibility of either caring for her myself or seeing to it that she was being cared for.  Since my mom was the last living relative in my extended family, I was unaware of the difference it would make in my life when that responsibility had ended.
 
I believe that all of us need to be responsible for caring for other family members, particularly parents, who are in need before we can cross the finish line.  I am not saying that a grown son or daughter bears all of the responsibility for aging parents, but they do bear some.  I do not believe that a person can successfully cross the finish line until that issue has been dealt with and the affairs of their parents’ life and death have been handled. 
 
#2 - Personal Debt
 
By 2005 my debt load was very, very small.  I had not taken on many of the business commitments and responsibilities that I now have.  However, I failed to see the true value of having little or no debt.  Sometimes when thinking in terms of “wanting more”, we do not realize that “more” usually has debt associated with it.  When a person can get to the place where they have very little debt, or can see the light at the end of the tunnel of debt, that should be a huge indicator that the finish line is getting close.
 
Think about it for a moment.  If you did not owe anyone anything and you had no financial obligations or responsibilities, would your load be lighter?  Of course it would!  None of us will ever get to the place where we have absolutely no debt, because as long as we are alive there will always be taxes to pay and other general living expenses.  But, when your house, cars, and other major financial commitments are paid for, it is a nice feeling to be debt free and not have to be concerned about major expenses.
 
I had gotten very close to having no financial debt, but once again, I ran past that marker without slowing down very much.
 
#3 - Accumulated Money in Savings and Investments
 
What I am talking about here is having money set aside to live on in the future.  All of us should be saving a nest-egg that is safe from outside predators and vultures.  This money needs to be as substantial as possible.  When you have a healthy sum of money set aside, safe and secure in the bank, then you can pretty much enjoy life and the fruits of your labor. 
 
Because of the times we are living in, this can be tricky, however, because some people who thought their investments would last them for the rest of their life have discovered that their investments are either gone or have diminished greatly. 
 
I am not a financial planner and this is not a financial newsletter, but I know that when you have a large amount of cold, hard cash sitting in the bank, or invested securely, you have a better chance of recognizing that you are crossing the finish line.
 
I realize that every individual and situation is different and that I may be taking a risk in “prying” into your personal life.  That is not my intent.  Some of you may have people in your family who are ill that you cannot simply walk away from and I do not suggest that you do.  All of us who have children know that we should be available to help our children and other people as much as possible, so I am not trying to close the door on that reality.  All I am saying is this - when you have no one in your family that you are responsible for, and you have no debt, and you have money put aside in the bank, then you have crossed your finish line.
 
There may be some slight modifications and exceptions to the rule, but if I had been aware and had been looking for these three things in my life in 2005, I would have been able to recognize them.  Since that time, my circumstances have changed greatly!  I would love to get back to the circumstances of 2005, but that is not possible.  However, I will know what the finish line looks like in the future and therefore, I will be able to better recognize it when I see it again!
 
Regardless of your circumstances, you should know what you are looking for so that you will be aware of your finish line when you cross it. 
 
I hope this helps - I really, really do!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

I don’t know about you, but I love vegetables.  I guess it is because my mother fed me a lot of vegetables when I was growing up.  There’s nothing better to me than a good plate of fresh vegetables right out of the garden.
 
Often, when I am driving down the road, I will see a stand where someone is selling fresh fruits and vegetables.  I usually stop and buy some.  I know that someone has probably recently picked them and they are very fresh.  I have always found those to be the most tasty fruits and vegetables of all.
 
But, if you stop and think about it, farmers have never grown anything.  The reason I say that is because they don’t have that power or ability.  Let me explain a little more carefully.
 
Do you realize that farmers only have the ability to prepare soil and plant seeds?  It is not within their power to MAKE the seed germinate and grow.  At best, the farmer can till the ground and make sure it is full of nutrients and fertilizer.  Then he can plant the seeds and pray for rain and sunshine that will work to make them grow. 
 
Now, I know you could say, “Dr. Rohm, you are just playing with words.”  But, the truth of the matter is, I am trying to make a point that you will soon see and understand. 
 
Although the farmer does not have the ability to make anything grow, he does have the ability to have a strong influence on what will take place in his field.  If he wants a crop of cotton, then after he prepares the soil, he will plant cotton seeds.  If, on the other hand, he wanted corn, or tomatoes, or watermelon, or anything else, he would have to plant the respective seeds in order to have a chance for those fruits or vegetables to grow.  You see, the farmer is smart.  He knows that although he cannot grow anything himself, he can have a direct influence on what will come up by the seeds that he plants in his garden.  He knows his influence will produce a bountiful harvest and a good response from his efforts if he prepares effectively.
 
I have come to see that life is very similar to planting a garden.  Although we cannot MAKE anything happen, we can have a strong influence.  We can plant the seeds of kindness, love, gentleness, faithfulness, self-discipline, organization, and many other seeds in our life as well.  If we plant those seeds and give them time to grow, we will see that our influence really did pay off.  If, on the other hand, we just hope that everything will work out and we do not plant our seeds of influence, then the only person we have to blame for the lack of a harvest is ourselves.
 
The farmer’s challenge is the same challenge we face every day.  It is called patience.  We are often in a hurry to see the fruit of our labor.  But, as we all know, it takes time.  Even though the seeds of influence that we plant may be 100% accurate and appropriate, it still will require time to pass before we are able see the results of what we have done.

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

In this particular Tip, I want to share with you some very wise insight that one of my dear business friends taught me several years ago.  He explained to me that the key to having good posture in any situation is patience.  (When I am speaking of posture, I am not referring to sitting up straight or walking tall.  I am talking about how to position yourself so that any personal relationship or business deal can be a win-win situation.)

It goes without saying that you cannot control another person.  Neither can you judge what their motive may be in any given situation.  Even if they want to win and want you to lose, you can still put yourself in a position where both of you can have a winning situation, i.e. a winning posture.  Maybe an example would help.

Recently I was supposed to have a very important meeting with someone.  He had called me twice on the day before to make sure that I would be there exactly on time.  The next day came and I was fifteen minutes early for the appointment.  I waited and waited for our 10 o’clock meeting.  At 10:20, I realized that something must have happened because the person did not show up.  Rather than getting angry or upset for my wasted time, effort and energy, I decided to simply exercise some patience.  I did not know what had taken place nor was I in a position to judge the situation properly since I did not know all the circumstances.  It is important to realize that the patience I was demonstrating was not so much for the other person as much as it was for me.  That is the key to having good posture or a good relationship with another person.  It starts with having patience within yourself.

Later that day, the person I was to meet called to find out why I had not shown up!  I explained that I had been there and waited until 10:20 and then, since I did not receive a phone call or any other communication, I thought something might have happened, so I left.  He laughed and told me he was just running a little bit late and that he had arrived at about 10:30.  It would have been very easy at that point for me to say, “Well, it would have been nice if you had called me or let me know,” but if I genuinely wanted to practice patience it was going to require me to PRACTICE PATIENCE!

This thing about patience is not as easy as it sounds.  I could hardly believe his attitude about the whole thing!  It was like it was no big deal.  I had gone out of my way to be early for the appointment and waited an additional twenty minutes.  But, I held my tongue and my posture.

When we were finally able to meet, there were several things that he wanted to show me and to sell me.  Again I decided the best thing I could do was to keep my mouth shut and continue to demonstrate patience.  If any of you know me very well, you know that I am rarely short on having something to say. My biggest challenge is that I have something to say about everything!  But, fortunately, I am continuing to learn that patience is a great virtue and the best way I have learned to demonstrate patience is to keep my mouth shut and listen and wait, and listen and wait, and listen and wait.  And, if you think this is easy, I would just love to watch YOU when things don’t go your way to see how long you can listen and wait!  If you are anything like me, it is not very easy.

We continued to have our meeting and the amazing thing was that he seemed to have a genuine kindness and interest in me.  Without me ever having to say a word, he realized that he had not been very professional with me or very punctual.  I continued to be kind.

I was interested as he shared some really good information with me about his product, as well as the opportunity he was putting before me.  We were able to have a wonderful meeting and I do count him as a friend.  By the end of the meeting, we were both laughing at some funny things that had happened in our lives.

This is one Tip that I wish that I could convey better with words.  Unfortunately, I have found that words are the very things that destroy what I am trying to communicate.  Our posture is most clearly seen by others through our silence and patience.  Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived said in Proverbs 17:28, “Even a fool is thought to be wise when he keeps his mouth shut.”  Ouch!  That hits too close to home!

The next time you are in a business or personal situation, see how you can better demonstrate posture in the circumstances by simply listening and not talking.  I’m not talking about manipulation or deception.  I am talking about having the posture of one who is genuinely interested; one who wants to listen and connect without acting like a grown child.  Maturity can be clearly seen by the way a person behaves when things do not go the way they had planned.  All of us can be wonderful people when everything goes our way and falls into place just like we planned.  But, when life throws us a surprise or curve, that is when our posture will be seen.  And, it will mostly be seen or heard by our words and by the patience we demonstrate when we are trying to work through some issues.

I hope that this somehow makes sense and that you will begin to practice this in the next encounter you have with someone in which you find yourself needing to get your posture back because you are feeling a little off balance.  I have found listening and demonstrating patience to be the tools that help get me back on track every time.  You will, too!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.