The Personality Insights Lounge (blog)

Most of us at one time or another have seen some kind of race.  Perhaps it was a Nascar race, horse race, or maybe an hundred-yard dash in one of the Olympic games.  (Did you read where someone once again just broke the world record for the 100 meters a couple of weeks ago?  I am constantly amazed that the record time for the 100 meter dash keeps getting faster and faster.  It just seems incredible that anyone can run that fast!) 
 
In every race or game there is some kind of completion.  In football there is a goal line.  In baseball there is home-plate.  In racing there is a finish line.  Every golfer knows that there is a finish line of sorts at the end of each hole and finally there is a finish line at the end of all eighteen holes.  A finish line helps you to establish a point of reference.  It is when you know you have finished the race or game.
 
The challenge in life comes for us when the finish line is unclear.  Because there is no one standing there waving a checkered flag as we cross the finish line, we often pass it up and keep on going.  When we do not know what the finish line looks like, we often miss it. 
 
In 2005 I crossed a finish line in my life.  I won’t bore you with the details about it, but because I did not know what the finish line looked like at the time, it took me four more years to realize that I had past it a long time ago.  Rather than be upset about it, I have acquired wisdom and insight to know what the finish line looks like so that the next time I begin to approach it, I will be more aware.
 
Perhaps you have heard of Robert Kiyosaki.  He is the famous author who wrote the Rich Dad, Poor Dad series.  He invented a game called Cash Flow that goes along with the concept of his book.  It is an educational tool that teaches you how to look for the finish line in your financial life.  The goal of the game is to get out of the financial rat-race.  However, you can never learn how to do that until you discover that there actually IS a finish line!
 
I have discovered over the past four years that there are a few questions that I can ask myself that will help me to better see my finish line the next time I approach it.  For example:  What is my objective?  What am I actually trying to do?  What kind of life-style do I really want?  How do I accomplish those steps in front of me?  And finally, after I have those issues clear in my mind, the last question I need to ask myself is, what would it look like to stop?
 
Now, I am not talking about quitting in life.  I do not think retirement is a wise endeavor at all!  Every time I hear about someone who finally retires, it is not long until they die, so I am not talking about retiring.  I am talking about knowing how to establish some markers in life so you can actually know where you are.  When I hear someone say, “Well, my goal is just to make a whole lot of money,” I know that they do not have a finish line.  They have not learned how to temper their life in a way that will set some clear markers and indicators and a finish line.  Life is not about throwing things up on the wall to see what sticks.  Life is about having a plan.  It is just very, very difficult to do; especially when we have not gone that way before.  However, as I said earlier, when we know what our goals and objectives are, and what our finish line will look like, there will be a much greater chance of hitting our mark.
 
Let me encourage you to sit down this week and ask yourself where you are on this journey called life.  We are all given a certain number of days in which we can enjoy life.    I have come to see that it makes a whole lot more sense when you have a finish line that will help you know when it is time to stop and begin some other endeavors that are in your heart.  There’s an old saying, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll never get there.”  Perhaps that applies to this Tip more than any other.  I believe it does.

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

I know that sometimes daily routine can be boring.  But, if you stop and think about it for a minute, a daily routine is really a good thing.
 
From 1967 to 1969 I was in military school.  Talk about routine!  We ran the same schedule every day of the week.  The only day that was different was Sunday.  Other than that, it was pretty much the same.  There was a routine for everything - how we folded our clothes (including our underwear), how we stood in line, how we ate our meals, when we got up, when we had lunch, when we had dinner, what time we studied, what time we took a shower, when we went to bed.  Day in and day out it was the same thing.  I thought I would go nuts!  But, pretty soon I began to realize the value of routine.  You see, when you have routine in your life, you don’t have to stop and re-invent the wheel every time you do something. 
 
I know this may sound silly, but the more routine or “systems” you have in your life, the easier life becomes.  I don’t have to stop and think about where to park my car at night.  I don’t park it in the kitchen or living room.  I park my car in the garage.  That is routine.  That is a system.  It makes life easier when you don’t have to stop and think about every little decision you make.
 
I can hear some of you right now saying, “Yes, but I like variety.  I like things to be different.”  Please hear me well; no one likes variety more than I do!  I think that life should be full of variety.  My father used to say, “Variety is the spice of life!”  However, I do not think that variety is an enemy to routine.  I think of it more as the icing on the cake.  When we follow a routine, a pattern, or a system day in and day out, we get more done, we feel more secure, and everything in life seems to go a lot better.
 
Many of us have children or grandchildren who are getting ready to start back to school.  Summertime is great for variety.  Most of us go on vacation and have a wonderful time with our friends and family.  We eat ice cream and hot dogs.  We do random things.  However, from September to May, we mostly fall into a routine of getting up, getting the kids off to school, and taking care of chores and responsibilities. 
 
Life really is a balancing act.  Even though I love variety, I also enjoy getting into a routine because I get so much more accomplished and feel so much better about myself.  There have been times in my life when I have been just a “wandering generality” and those times never build self-esteem or help me to be very productive. 
 
I would strongly encourage all of us to look at the two issues of variety and routine and realize that although they are very different, they are not enemies of each other.  This year, as we start back to school or begin a new routine, let’s see how this shift in thinking actually makes us feel better about our own life and our productivity level. 
 
I know there are some things in my own life on which I need to become more focused and more disciplined.  For instance, one of the things I am doing is making a commitment to develop a routine of exercise.  I tend to do it when I “have the time” but I never seem to “have the time.”  Know what I mean?!  So, this Tip is not just for you; it’s for me, too.  If I really do believe that routine is a good thing, I will include exercise in the daily system of my personal life.  I think you get the idea of what I am trying to say. 
 
Now, as my high school coach would say, “You got the talking part done - now all you need is the doing part!”

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Last week I was talking to a music teacher who is very proficient in her profession and knows how to teach music extremely well.  Her personality style, as well as her professional abilities, complement each other nicely.  She is very task-oriented and focused on the details as she teaches her students to be precise in their musical skills.  After all, almost playing the right note does not work!  It has to be exact.  (Most of us have heard someone sing off-key or miss a note and it stands out like a sore thumb.)  Even though music is very much an art, it is also very much a science.  I am not much of a musician myself, but, I certainly know bad music when I hear it.  Good music requires a lot of precision, effort, commitment and dedication.  Anyway, back to my story.
 
This particular music teacher understands personality styles.  She understands that some students are born with more of a desire to entertain than a focus on the discipline of practice.  She told me of one little girl who comes for her 30-minute lesson every week full of life, enthusiasm, and excited to tell her latest story or adventure.  The music teacher said it is always difficult to get her to calm down and focus on her lesson.  She said, “I want to make sure that the parents get their money’s worth and give the child a full 30-minute lesson.  I feel it is a matter of integrity.”  She went on to explain that since she has learned about personality styles, she knows that this little girl has an Inspiring type personality.  The music teacher said, “If I will let her talk for the first two minutes, really be interested in what she is saying, and laugh at her story or adventure, she will then settle down and have a good lesson.  It is amazing to watch how those first two minutes affect the next twenty-eight minutes of her lesson!”  The teacher concluded by saying, “It is funny; before I understood her personality style, I considered those first two minutes a waste of time.  Now I have come to see them as the most important two minutes of our time together.  It is after I have ‘wasted’ those two minutes that she comes alive and we connect for the next twenty-eight minutes.”
 
As I listened to that story, I couldn’t help but be deeply grateful for the fact that some people actually do “get it.”  Some people really understand that if you will “waste” a couple of minutes trying to connect with another person based on their personality style, everything that follows will be much, much better. 
 
If I am talking to a Dominate type, I need to make them feel respected and that they have some control or authority.  If I am speaking to an Inspiring type, like this teacher did, I need to allow for a couple of minutes of fun before we get down to business.  If I’m speaking to the Supportive type, I need to make sure that I am gentle and communicate peace and appreciation for them.  And, if I am talking to a Cautious type, I need to make sure that the details are covered and that there are quality answers and value shown at the very outset of anything that we do together.
 
As I have said before, common sense is not very common.  All it takes it a little bit of effort on our part to “waste” a couple minutes on another person based on where they are coming from and then everything will be better after that.  We begin to connect and have a productive business or personal relationship because we have gotten off on the right foot together.  That is what this information is all about.  It is understanding others so that you can have better relationships, whether that is in your business, with family, or with friends.
 
The music teacher in this story has mastered that in her profession, and, now her students are reaping the benefit of her wisdom.  It works for her and it can work for the rest of us, too!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Over the past few weeks, I have gotten to spend a little extra time with my precious grandchildren.  They are growing up so fast and are such a joy and delight to my heart!  I am glad that I understand personality types because each one of them is unique and they are very different from each other.  Anyone who has two or more children knows exactly what I am talking about.  It is possible for children to come from the same gene pool and yet have very different personality styles from one another.
 
Children need guidance.  That is why they were given parents and other family members to help rear them.  My grandchildren are no different; they need guidance and direction.
 
Recently we were in the middle of some activity and a little bit of conflict was taking place between the children.  I sat down with them and said, “Do you know that all of the problems of life can be boiled down to one sentence?  Do you know what the magic sentence is that will make everything in life go better?”  (When I used the word ‘magic’, I knew I had their attention!)  I said, “The magic sentence to making everything in life go better is, ‘I want to do right and be helpful!’ If you do what is right, you will always be kind to your brother or sister.  And, if you want to be helpful, you will find that people appreciate being around you.”
 
I am not 100% sure where that sentence came from deep inside of me.  But, it was so short and to the point that when I first heard myself say it, I quickly got a pen and wrote it down.  “I want to do right and be helpful.”  I do not believe that life can be reduced to formulas, but I do believe life can be boiled down to simple concepts. 
 
Think about almost any situation in which you find yourself.  If the people around you want to do right and be helpful, won’t that make everything better?  Suppose in your own personal life you want to do the same.  Won’t that make your life better?  Won’t it cause other people to be attracted to you? 
 
I am amazed at how quickly things can fall apart.  Yet, I believe things begin to fall apart in life, business and relationships because someone did NOT want to do what was right and did not want to be helpful.  It really is rather simple, isn’t it?
 
Since I shared that concept with my grandchildren, I have been trying to practice it myself.  I have found that everything goes better when I simply do what is right and try to be helpful in any given situation.  Doing what’s right has a lot to do with my actions and attitudes.  And, being helpful mainly involves my daily deeds.  I wish I had been following this simple concept all along!  It certainly would have made things a lot simpler for me, as well as for others around me.
 
I want to encourage you to take this week’s Tip to heart.  Determine how you can do what is right and how to be helpful in every situation you face.  It will affect your attitude, your health, and your outlook on life.  Pretty soon you will begin to see that all of the major challenges that come in your life, whether in business or in relationships, are because someone is not doing what is right or is not being helpful.  Granted, we cannot fix other people, but we can fix ourselves. 
 
I have discovered that when I put this principle into practice, it is not long before it spreads.  I don’t know who said it, but it really is true, “More is caught by example than will ever be taught by exhortation.”  We can tell people all day long what we want them to do, but the best way to have an impact is to show them by your own actions.
 
I guess my talk with my grandchildren has turned out to be a talk I really needed to give to myself.  I have seen great improvement in their behavior and relationships, but I have also noticed one in my own life as well.  I am grateful God gave me grandchildren so I could teach them some things, but I am even more grateful that He gave me several grandchildren so they could teach ME some things.  I think He had both processes in mind when He created families!  Don’t you?
 
Life is the best school I have ever attended.  I’m grateful this simple concept is having a profound effect in my own life and family!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

A while back, my daughter, Esther and I went to a Brenda Lee concert here in Atlanta, Georgia.  Many of you may remember Brenda Lee for her Rock-n-Roll and Country hits back in the 1950’s and 1960’s.  Since she grew up here in Georgia, and since I have always enjoyed her music, and since my daughter, Esther, is such a talented singer, I thought it would be an enjoyable experience.  And it was!  Brenda Lee sang all of her top hits like:  “All Alone Am I”, “Sweet Nothin’s”, “Jambalaya”, “Break it to Me Gently”, “Coming on Strong”, and many others.  The audience adored her!
 
She was only 4′ 9″ tall, so after recording the song, “Dynamite”, in 1957, she began to be known as Little Miss Dynamite.  She is a member of the Rock-n-Roll, Country Music and Rockabilly Hall of Fame.  She is best known for her 1960 hit, “I’m Sorry”.
 
During the 1960’s, Brenda Lee had thirty-seven music chart hits; a number that was only surpassed by Elvis Presley, the Beatles, Ray Charles, and Connie Frances.  Many of us recognize her holiday hit, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”, because it has been played for over fifty years during the Christmas season.
 
After completing her medley of famous songs, she did two things that touched me.  She said to the audience, “You know, even when you sing a lot of great songs, you miss a lot of wonderful songs, too.  I want to now sing a medley of songs that I had the opportunity to do but passed up because at the time, I didn’t think they were very good.”  She went on to sing songs like “Working 9 to 5″ by Dolly Parton, and “Walking after Midnight” by Patsy Cline.  She sang about ten different songs that all became famous hits after she had passed them up in her career.  All of us “groaned” through that medley because we felt so sorry that she had been wrong about the future of those now famous hit records. 
 
When she finished, she said, “Regardless of how good you get in any industry, you are still going to make mistakes.  I’ve made a lot of them in my life!  I am so grateful that all those other singers had the opportunity to have famous songs.”  And, she was genuinely happy for them.  Her humility touched me because she gave credit and glory to other people who had done well in their lives and careers. 
 
About halfway through her performance, she did the second thing that touched me.  She began to talk about her fourth grade teacher.  Brenda Lee attended elementary school here in Georgia.  She talked about how her fourth grade teacher had always believed in her and encouraged her, even when she was just a little girl.  She spoke about the power of parents believing in their children and teachers believing in their students.  She said, “You can never tell how a kind word of encouragement to a child will help them as they grow up.”  Then she surprised all of us by asking her fourth grade teacher to stand up!  She was there in the audience with us.  Of course, by this time of her life, she had become an elderly lady, but you could see the smile on her face.  She was so thrilled that Brenda Lee had taken the time to invite her to come to the concert. 
 
Who would have ever thought, that years and years ago a fourth grade teacher being kind to a ten-year old little girl would have charted a course that would indirectly have affected millions of people?  I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, to realize the powerful influence that parents and teachers have with children.
 
As we get ready to start back to school this fall, let me encourage you to have some extra kind words for your students and children.  Go out of your way to show your faith in them and encourage them.  Those words will remain in their hearts and help them as they grow up.  And, who knows?  Maybe one day their concert will come to town and they will have YOU stand up to talk about how much you meant to them in their personal life!
 
You never can tell where your kind words of support and encouragement will lead.  I would be willing to bet that Brenda Lee’s fourth grade teacher never thought she would make such a big difference in a little girl’s life.  The same can be true of you!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.