The Personality Insights Lounge (blog)

When I was just a little boy, my grandmother on my mother’s side of the family would often come to visit.  She would often stay for a couple of days before going back home, which was only about fifteen miles away.  My grandmother was one of the sweetest people I ever met in my life!  She was great at making homemade biscuits and old fashioned pulled taffy candy.  I haven’t had anything like that in years and years, but I still can remember what it was like.  Having my grandmother at my house was always an enjoyable experience. 
 
When I became a teenager, I sometimes did things that were not very smart.  I know that probably none of you can identify with that.  But, believe it or not, during my teenage years, I was sometimes a real knuckle-head!  Thankfully, I didn’t do anything that put me in prison, but as I look back on it, many of things that I did were just not very wise!
 
On more than one occasion my mother gave me a lecture about something that I had done that wasn’t very smart.  She was very opinionated and could really “chew you up and spit you out” if she needed to!  If my grandmother was there and heard it, she would let my mother finish and then she would always say the same thing:  ”Don’t be too hard on him.  He didn’t mean to do it.”  I would sit there and feel like a dog because I knew that I DID mean to do it!  But, my grandmother was in my corner, trying to defend me.  I didn’t open my mouth because it was nice having someone there who was sticking up for me!  But, I would often think, “Granny, I DID mean to do it!”  But, again, I never said that.  You see, I do have a little bit of sense!
 
That scenario did something to me that marked my life forever.  In the following years, I would be in situations that could have led to a lot of trouble.  Just before I got involved in doing things that were wrong, a little voice inside of my head would say, “Your grandmother is going to be defending you, telling your mother that you didn’t mean to do this.  Do you really want her to have to lie for you again?”  Oh, that would haunt me and, more times than not, I walked away from trouble because of my grandmother’s faith in me.  I knew that she would be in my corner, again, supporting me when I got caught.  I cannot count the number of times I walked away from trouble because I knew that my grandmother had a positive view of me and believed in me!
 
My grandmother believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself.  My grandmother believed in me before I believe in myself.  My grandmother believed in me more than I believed in myself.  My grandmother believed in me until I could believe in myself.  What a wonderful gift to know that someone believes in you until you can finally believe in yourself and your own abilities!  I will always be grateful for her love and devotion to me as I was growing up.
 
The fact that I had a loving grandmother is not isolated to me alone.  I know that many people have had a grandmother who was perhaps the only one who was there for them when they were growing up.  I realize that a grandmother’s love can sooth a lot of hurts.  It is a beautiful thing to have people who are older and wiser than you to come beside you and show that they believe in you and want to stand with you.
 
Even though I will never be a grandmother, I am a grandfather and I want to always communicate to my own grandchildren that I believe in them and am standing by their side.  I know the power that it will produce in their lives in the years to come.  And, I want them to know that one day, when they face a difficult situation; there will be someone who will say, “They didn’t mean to do it.” 
 
I know the power of belief and I know the power of love.  It makes a difference in a person’s self-esteem and self-worth and causes them, in the end, to turn in the right direction.  I am grateful for the fact that my grandmother was always there for me and I want to be like her when it comes to my friends and family.  Don’t you?

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

If ever there was a Tip you probably will not want to follow, this is it!  At least, for me, it is a Tip that has been very hard to use.  However, the value of it far outweighs the challenge and the amount of time that it takes to accomplish.  So, tighten your seatbelt!
 
I would encourage you to write out all of your thoughts whenever you are faced with a challenging situation.  Be as clear and specific as possible.  Even if it takes several hours to put everything down on paper, it will be well worth it - especially when it involves other people.  Perhaps a recent situation will help explain what I mean.
 
A few weeks ago I was asked to settle an issue that a particular ministry was experiencing.  I agreed.  I knew that if the desired results could be reached, all of the individuals involved in this good ministry would benefit.
 
One by one, I began to talk to the different people involved.  It was interesting to hear such different perspectives from each one.  After I had spoken to several of the people, I realized that I needed to write out all of my thoughts.  Even though I had been taking notes, sometimes notes get lost in translation.  I believed it was important for me to write out my complete thoughts in the form of an email that I could eventually send to everyone involved in the process.
 
The more I talked to people, the more I realized that the problem was not as significant as first thought.  It was just a matter of a lot of misunderstandings.  In my last two phone calls of the process, everything began to come into focus in my mind.  After completing all of my homework, I sat down to compose the email.  It took me a couple of hours to write because I am not a very fast typist.  Also, as I was typing out all of my thoughts, I realized that I needed to be crystal clear in order to communicate to everyone concerned exactly what was taking place.
 
Now here is where it really got interesting.  After I had typed out all my thoughts and finished the email, I suddenly realized that it might be unwise to send it.  There was so much information that I thought it might cause further confusion.  Instead, I spent the next couple of hours calling everyone back and discussing the real issues with each person, one-by-one.  In the end, everyone was very satisfied with the results and in harmony with each other once again.  It was encouraging to me to see that even though there had been a lot of confusion due to some misunderstandings, everyone really did want to work together.
 
Here was the payoff for me: Because I was willing to take the time to write it all out clearly, I could communicate with precision accuracy with everyone involved.  The written word does not carry voice tones; therefore, I thought that it would be better to call everyone rather than to send the email.  Yet, I printed a copy of the email and was able to use it, point by point, as I discussed the situation with each person over the phone.  Although I talked with each one separately, the information in my conversation was the same because I was able to follow my written script.  The beautiful thing about all of it is that I never intended to do that!  In the process of writing everything out, I had discovered the answer to the problem.  However, if I had not been able to use that information to accurately convey it to each person the same way, there would only have been more confusion in the end.
 
The entire process took me several hours, but it was well worth it because now everything is back on track and is moving ahead better than it has in the past.  I am sure there will be great success and benefit from those involved with this ministry working together in the future.
 
I do not know if you followed every detail of that or not, but that is okay.  The real point is that I was able to bring clarity to the situation because I wrote out everything I was thinking.  Writing things out clarifies your thoughts.  Writing things out clarifies the issues.  Writing things out helps you to look at the entire picture in a sharper way because the written word is much more specific than the spoken word.  After I got my written word clarified, I was able to speak in a way that I believe was much more helpful.
 
I don’t know if you have ever heard someone say, “I wish I could take back what I said.”  Or, “I wish I had thought not to say that!”  That is the direct results of speaking before you think.  I have discovered that writing things out, therefore, helps me to speak more accurately.  It is hard work on the front side, but it is sweet success in the end. 
 
The next time you face a difficult situation, rather than going off “half cocked”, like I am often prone to do, let me encourage you to take the time to sit down and write everything out.  It seems to take all of the emotion out of an issue.  It helps bring objectivity, clarity and direction to the situation.
 
I don’t own a corner on this market.  Feel free to share this - if you are up to it.  You will be glad that you did!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

I just celebrated my 60th birthday a few days ago.  That is amazing to me!  I may be 60 on the outside, but on the inside I still feel like I did when I was about 18 years old.  I remember having the humorous thought the other day, “I am the father of four daughters and I helped raise them, but who is raising me?”  Those of you who have children and, like me, have a number of years under your belt, may have had a similar thought at one time or another.  Life really IS amazing!
 
The older I get, the more I am convinced of one thing; life truly is all about relationships.  Regardless of what field you work in, everything involves other people.  The way we treat other people, by in large, is the way that life will end up treating us.  If we are kind, helpful, and thoughtful to others; we will receive kindness, thoughtfulness, and help from them in return.  You reap what you sow!  It is a principle of nature that cannot be broken. 
 
When I was in graduate school, we had a guest speaker in one of our educational classes.  He was a specialist in working with senior adults.  He came to give us some guidance on how to work with different age groups.  As an educator, I had learned much about working with children, teenagers and young people.  But, it requires some special understanding to work with senior adults.
 
While this gentleman was teaching the class, he asked a question that I will never forget:  “Do you know where old crabs come from?”  He was referring to the fact that many older people are considered to be “old crabs”.   Unfortunately, many of us have experienced that fact.  At any rate, we sat there silently.  The professor repeated himself.  “Do you know where old crabs come from?”  Not getting a response, he finally said, “From young crabs!”  He went on to explain that if a person is crabby when they are old, it is because they were crabby when they were young.  They stayed that way their whole life and ended up being that way in their old age.  He pointed out that some of the nicest, sweetest, kindest, most loving and wonderful people that he had ever met or worked with in his entire life were older people.  “But, the reason they are nice now is because they were that way growing up,” he said.
 
You see, you don’t suddenly become a nice, kind person.  You don’t suddenly become thoughtful and caring about others when you get old.  It is a pattern that you develop and work with your whole life.
 
I sometimes get caught up in being busy.  I tend to be a workaholic and have to “labor” at enjoying my family and friends.  When I am working, I feel productive, but building relationships sometimes seems like a waste of time.  However, nothing could be further from the truth!  It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that work is all there is to life.  While I do believe in working hard, I have also seen that caring for other people is really what life is all about.  It is important to listen to them and to be kind and gentle in my responses as I interact with others.
 
In 2002, Pastor Rick Warren wrote a book entitled, The Purpose Driven Life. This book made publishing history after it simultaneously hit number one on all four major best-selling lists, including The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and Publishers Weekly.  It has become the best-selling, non-fiction, hardback book in history, with more than 22 million copies sold.  The first sentence sets the tone for the entire book when it says, “It’s not about you!”  I have learned that he is exactly right!  (By the way, isn’t it amazing that a book that focuses on how to be a person who cares for others sold over 22 million copies?  It would seem that message already resonates inside many of us!)
 
Why not make a concentrated effort to see how much kindness and gentleness you can demonstrate towards other people?  They will benefit greatly from your heartfelt care towards them and it will return to you many-fold.  And besides, you don’t want to be an old crab, do you?

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

As a young boy growing up I often heard that I would have to “pay the price” in order to succeed in anything I was doing.  At football practice, I was told I would have to pay the price to get into shape and work hard to make the team.  In the classroom I was told I would have to pay the price of studying hard in order to make good grades.  As an adult in business, I have been told that I would have to pay the price to be successful and financially prosperous.  Every time I have heard the words, “pay the price” it has sounded hard and harsh, almost like I was going to be penalized or take a beating.
 
I have come to see that the price you pay is not always a penalty.  Sometimes it is simply the price tag of the experience you want to achieve. 
 
Every life experience has a learning curve.  It is necessary to learn self-discipline and to do things that have not been done in the past.  I believe that when we look at those experiences as the “price you pay,” it puts us in a negative mind-set.  I think it would be much better to look at that concept in a more positive light that says, “There will be a great benefit to this experience after I have gone through the learning process and achieved new heights of success.”
 
I know this is true in relationships with other people.  It seems that we pay a price when we risk being hurt or are learning how to interact with others in a way that is beneficial and healthy to both parties.  Sometimes we stumble in that process, but I know from my own experience, that every lesson I have ever learned has turned out to be more of a benefit to me in the long run, than simply a price I had to pay in order to go through that experience.
 
This is a similar concept to paying tuition in order to go through school.  All schools of higher learning charge tuition and it is the price you pay in order to get an education.  But, recognizing the long-lasting benefit of that experience is much better than feeling frustrated because you had to pay the price to get it.
 
I do not know how much it costs these days for a physician to go through medical school, but wouldn’t we all agree that whatever the price that was paid is far outweighed by the benefit that is achieved?  The same would be true for school teachers, bankers, lawyers, business owners, and sales people, etc. 
 
It may seem like a difficult or negative experience to pay the price to get up early, go to work and work hard every day.  But, when you believe that you have made a difference in people’s lives, achieved a measure of success, and experienced personal growth in the process, that benefit is worth the price you may have had to pay. 
 
This week, let me encourage you to adjust your thinking and put on fresh glasses in order to see things from this new perspective.  You may be facing situations that feel difficult and hard.  You may even feel like you are in the process of taking a beating!  You may feel that you are being made to “pay the price.” Why not choose instead to simply look at the personal benefit and reward you will have for what you have gone through?  That benefit will stay with you for the rest of your life and will make you a better person, a higher achiever, and more valuable to yourself and others as well.  When you look at things that way, you are truly seeing life from the best perspective possible and you become the winner for it!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.