The Personality Insights Lounge (blog)

Often when we think of a coach, we think of an athletic advisor for a sporting event.  And, there have certainly been some great coaches who have helped many athletes have a better life because of their influence and direction.  In more recent days, however, most of us have heard that a coach can be more than just an athletic advisor.  A coach can be someone who gives you guidance in your own personal life and future. 
 
A coach is someone who looks at something with another set of eyes.  They are able to give advice on the best way to approach the problems and challenges that a person may be facing.  The wonderful thing about a coach is that they usually are not emotionally invested in those situations.  Because they are not emotionally involved, they are able to have a better perspective and a more “level-headed” approach in the process.
 
It is both funny and strange that the coach does not have to be an expert in the exact area in which you need help.  Of course, experience is a plus, but just the very fact that he or she can look at your situation from an unbiased, unemotional perspective, is the issue that will help them give proper perspective.  All I am trying to point out is that a coach can be someone who simply has a different set of eyes.
 
You may have heard the story about the eighteen-wheeler truck that got stuck under a bridge in a busy city.  The Highway Department tried to figure out how they were going to get the truck un-stuck.  They considered everything from cutting off the top of the truck to tearing down the bridge.  The truck was lodged so tightly that it could not budge nor move forward or backwards.  As all of the city planners and brilliant transportation experts studied the situation, a young boy rode up on his bicycle and observed what was taking place.  He strolled over to the man who was in charge and said, “Sir, why don’t you just let some of the air out of the truck’s tires and it will go down a little bit?”
 
Well, as the story goes, everyone looked at each other in amazement because the solution was so simple!  That is the point I am trying to make in this particular Tip.  All of us need someone who can look at our circumstances and situations in a different light.  They surely will be able to see one part of it that perhaps we have overlooked. 
 
Although I am a big believer in gathering wisdom and counsel from someone who is older and wiser, and who has experience in a particular area, I am also open to the fact that a coach may be anyone who gives me information and direction that will help my life and circumstances to be better.  Which one of us has not had a child or grandchild say something that helped us to see something that we had not previously seen?  I know that I am only going to get to live one time so I want to gain all the wisdom I can from as many resources as possible.
 
I have a personal coach who is eleven years older than me.  He is ahead of me in life and where I want to be eleven years from now.  I talk to him about relationships, business, spiritual matters, and other areas of life.  I am grateful to have someone who gives me guidance.  But, I also have coaches who are as young as four years old.  They teach me how to get down on the floor and laugh and not take life so seriously. 
 
I am going to learn from my coaches and I would suggest you do the same.  Begin to look around at who you allow to influence your life and who you listen to for advice and counsel.  Having a coach makes everything go better!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Recently I was reading an article by Colin Powell.  General Powell is the former Secretary of State and he is a retired, four-star general.  Most of us have heard of him and his outstanding military career, as well as his public service to our country.  He was being interviewed and was asked, “What is the best advice you have ever gotten?”  As I read his answer, I thought, “This is great information!  I will have to share it in a Tip.”  This is an excerpt from that article by General Powell:

When I was a young infantry officer at Fort Benning, Georgia, we had a lot of old captains who had served in WWII and Korea.  They were not going to go any higher in rank, but boy, did they know a lot about soldiering.  So, I didn’t learn this piece of barracks wisdom from an Eisenhower or Pershing.  I heard it from these wonderful Reserve captains.  This is the story:

There was a brand new Second Lieutenant who was very ambitious and wanted to be a General.  One night at the Officer’s Club, the young officer spotted this old General sitting at the bar and he went up and said, “How do I become a General?”  And the old General answered, “Son, you’ve got to work like a dog.  You’ve got to have moral and physical courage.  There may be days you’re tired, but you must never show fatigue.  You’ll be afraid, but you can never show fear.  You must always be the leader.”  The young officer was so excited by this advice.  “Thank you, sir,” he said.  “So, this is how I become a General?”  “No,” said the General, “that’s how you become a First Lieutenant, and then you keep doing it over and over.”

Throughout my career I have always tried to do my best today, think about tomorrow, and maybe dream a bit about the future.  But, doing your best in the present has to be the rule.  You won’t become a General unless you become a good First Lieutenant.

I want to publicly thank General Colin Powell for being an outstanding American and for helping us all learn how to grow to the next position, regardless of where we are in life, by relating his own story.

I am looking forward to seeing each of us “move up in rank” as a result of working hard today!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Most of you know that I am a big fan of Chick-fil-A.  I have been eating at the original Dwarf House, where Chick-fil-A started, since 1967.  It is located on Central Avenue, not too far from the Atlanta airport.  That is where Truett Cathy invented his famous sandwich and started his business back in 1946.  Originally it was a very small restaurant with only four booths and four counter seats, hence the name, Dwarf House.  Over the years, it has grown in size but it still remains a cozy place to eat.  Almost everyone who eats there does so on a regular basis.
 
There is a woman who has been working there for many, many years by the name of Rhonda.  She has an incredible attitude.  Regardless of when you walk in or who you are, she will treat you as though you are absolutely the most important customer in the entire world!  She gives you a big hello and sometimes, a hug.  She is always “up” and filled with energy and excitement.  She gets your order right every time and checks on you several times during the meal to see if there is anything else she can do to help you.  She is incredible!
 
Recently I was talking to Rhonda and she told me that they had just promoted her and asked her to teach all of the other servers at the Dwarf House how to do a good job.  She told me that she works with wonderful people and looks forward to teaching them some of the pointers she has learned over the years through her own personal experience.
 
I am not surprised that they chose Rhonda to teach the other servers.  She is so fantastic that it just follows that she should be the one to be in charge of the training.  There is an old saying, “Cream always rises to the top,” and this is certainly true in her case.  All of the other people who are trained by Rhonda will surely have the benefit of her experience and expertise.
 
I congratulated Rhonda and told her that I was proud of her, but she just shrugged it off as no big deal.  She went on about her business with the excellent service and great attitude that she always has had in the past, and which I am sure that she will have in the future.
 
The reason I believe Rhonda is so successful is largely because she enjoys serving people.  It is not “put-on,” or fake, or for show.  It simply comes out of her heart.  She attracts people because she has a genuine servant’s spirit.
 
Have you ever stopped to think about what really causes success in any business endeavor?  I believe it comes down to good service.  Think about the places you enjoy going to most.  Isn’t it because there is good service involved?  And think about how you feel when you get bad service.  It causes you to not want to do any further business with that establishment, doesn’t it?
 
At the end of the day, everything boils down to service.  If a company is succeeding, it is not only because they have a good product, but also because they give good customer service.  And, it also does not matter if it is in a business relationship or a personal one.  Anybody who is part of a family and knows how to genuinely love and serve other people will soon be thought of as someone who is very special in that family, indeed. 
 
It is easy to talk about this.  It is easy to write articles about it.  It is even easy to watch Rhonda do it.  The hard part of service comes where the rubber meets the road.  That is the question, “Am I able to have a servant’s heart towards other people?”  “Am I willing to really care for them and put their needs and wants first?”  This is not easy to do.  Sometimes there are challenges that get in our way and make it necessary for us to deal with situations that are very painful, hurtful, and sometimes expensive.  Yet, I have found that if I can keep a servant’s heart and truly desire to be a blessing and an encouragement to other people, it always makes everything go better; even during the difficult times.
 
If you are ever close to the Dwarf House, be sure to drop by.  Ask for Rhonda and tell her you read an article about her once in the Tip of the Week.  Tell her that you are proud to meet her.  She will be a celebrity for sure!  And, you know the crazy thing about it?  The notoriety will not change the way Rhonda acts one bit.  She will continue to love and serve people with a great attitude because that is just the way she is wired. 
 
I want to be wired like her!  I am working on it.  I’m not there yet, but I am making progress.  I am sure you feel the same way, don’t you?

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

When I was in high school, we had a guidance counselor who was not very positive.  Looking back on it, I’m really not sure why she even went into the field of education since she did not seem to like students very much.  Nevertheless, that was her chosen profession.  As the school guidance counselor, it was her job to guide us. 
 
Most of us did not have very much vision for our life and future.  In fact, most of the people that we knew basically just got a job after graduating from high school.  College was not something that was on the radar for the majority of my classmates. 
 
I knew that I wanted to go on to school, largely because my parents encouraged it.  They placed a high value on education.  My father would tell me that a college education would not make me better than anyone else, but it would give me more opportunities.  It is interesting to me that in the past few years we hear that message nearly everywhere we turn.  On radio and television we are given statistics about how much more money a person will make in his or her lifetime if they have a college education.  I began hearing that message from my father over forty years ago!
 
Anyway, back to my story.  I never will forget the day that my friend, Bill Perkins, came back to class.  He had just had an interview with the school guidance counselor and I could tell that something was wrong.  I asked him what had happened.  He told me that his visit with the counselor was for the purpose of discussing what he should do after graduation.  I asked, “Well, what did she say?”  He dropped his head and said, “She told me that I was not college material and that I should just plan to stay here in town and get a job at the mill.”  I could see that he was devastated.  His heart was broken; his life was shattered.  His world had come to an end. 
 
Later that day, I saw Bill in the parking lot at school and his entire demeanor had changed.  He seemed to be very excited and happy.  It was such a different attitude than what I had seen earlier in the day that I asked him what had happened.  He told me that he had gone and talked to one of the varsity football coaches, Jim Moore.  Coach Moore had played college football at Tennessee Tech and he assured Bill that he would be able to get him a football scholarship to that school.  Although Bill was not huge in stature, he was an excellent football player and had experienced an outstanding senior year on the football field.  Coach Moore told Bill that he thought he WAS college material and that Bill surely would do well there.  The change in Bill’s attitude was not so much the fact that he was going to college as it was that he had found someone who believed in him.  He found someone who had spoken healing words to him.
 
As I look back on that situation, I now have enough wisdom to realize that what I had seen in Bill earlier that day was a bleeding heart.  A gaping emotional wound had been opened by the guidance counselor.  But, later in the day, I saw a healed heart because of the words spoken by the football coach.  Each spoke words, yet the results and outcome of those words were very different.
 
Bill did go on to attend college at Tennessee Tech, where he played football for four years and got involved in ROTC.  When he graduated, he became a Second Lieutenant in the United States Marine Corps.  He learned to fly helicopters and other aircraft.  He went on to spend the next twenty years in the Marine Reserves until he became a full Colonel and was able to retire.  Also, during that time, he worked full-time for Lockheed selling aircraft.  His territory was the Middle East. 
 
Bill called me a few weeks ago to check up on me.  He now lives in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, where he has recently retired from working for Lockheed.  I asked him what his largest order had been while working there and he told me that he had one order for four billion dollars! 
 
Considering the fact that Bill not only went to college, but graduated; that he went on to become an officer in the United States Marine Corps; and that he invested forty years with Lockheed as one of their top salesmen; I would say that it was foolish to tell him, “You are not college material!”  I would say that was one of the most incorrect statements in the last century.  Wouldn’t you?
 
I once heard that it takes nine positive interactions with someone to overcome one negative interaction.  Although that may be true, I have also seen that it only took one really good, positive interaction to overcome one bad, negative interaction.  I saw it first hand years ago.  I am so proud of Bill’s accomplishments and still proud to this day to be his friend!
 
I want to encourage each one of us to be careful that the words we speak to others are emotionally healing words.  Our words should produce hope and healing.  Life is filled with many difficult circumstances and situations.  Yet, if we face those circumstances with a “can-do attitude,” anything is possible.  This is not “pie-in-the-sky” thinking.  It is reality.  I have experienced it.  You have experienced it.  And, Bill experienced it too.  It is now our job to help others who have not yet experienced it to have their life healed and encouraged by you and me this week.  Let’s go get ‘em!

I can already tell that some of you are saying to yourself, “Well, I certainly do not want to read that Tip!  I already have enough pain in my life.”  However, if you will bear with me for a moment, I think the approach we will take to this Tip will help all of us to be in a better position to understand how the pain process works.
 
Recently I heard my good friend, Guy Harris, share this concept.  Guy is an excellent communicator and has a way of breaking down complex thoughts into simple concepts.  He shared that pain is actually inevitable.  We will either experience the pain of preparation, which takes place before we win, or experience the pain of losing when circumstances do not turn out as expected.  Guy went on to explain that preparation is difficult and takes a lot of time and hard work.  It is painful to know exactly how to prepare for an upcoming situation whether in a business endeavor or in a relationship.  When we walk into a situation, there will always be some unknown factors and a few surprises along the way.  Preparation is important and can be very difficult at times.  On the other hand, after you have prepared and done all that you can to succeed, the hard cold fact of reality is that sometimes you still lose.  And again, that is painful as well.  Guy encouraged us to know that we would experience pain either on the front end of a situation or the back side of one.  He also pointed out to us that the pain of preparation was usually much less agonizing than the pain of losing.  He concluded by saying, “You are going to experience pain, therefore, choose wisely!”
 
I appreciate good concepts and I certainly value the truth of what Guy was teaching.  It is a fact that none of us are going to get through life without pain.  It is inevitable, but I prefer to choose the pain of preparation rather than the pain of losing. 
 
My mind drifted back to the time President Ronald Reagan was speaking to the Olympic athletes in 1984.  President Reagan said, “You, ladies and gentlemen, perhaps more than anyone else, know the difference between the will to win and the will to prepare to win.”  What was President Reagan saying?  He was basically saying, “You are going to experience pain.  However, you have chosen the pain of preparation.  You have chosen wisely.  You have prepared to do the very best you can to win an Olympic medal.”  Did all of the athletes win Olympic medals?  No.  Some experienced the pain of losing and came home with absolutely nothing.  But, on the other hand, some did win.  Some experienced the thrill of victory rather than the agony of defeat.  Yet, all of them experienced preparation pain.  They all chose wisely. 
 
Life is filled with daily choices.  When Guy said, “Choose wisely,” I thought that those were probably two of the most important words that any person could ever hear.  Regardless of the circumstances or situation in which we find ourselves, we should choose wisely.  We should choose the pain of preparation over the pain of losing every time.  If we do not choose the pain of preparation, then the pain of losing will be the natural by product and outcome.  It is inevitable.  On the other hand, if we do choose the pain of preparation, we have a good chance of bypassing the pain of losing.  We have a good opportunity to better our circumstances and situations. 
 
Having thought about this for the past few days has helped me look at daily circumstances more realistically.   Rather than feeling defeated when I am walking into a new situation, I have started realizing that the upfront pain is a whole lot less than the pain on the other end may be.  It has helped me to face the concept of pain with a little more reality, rather than wishing it would go away completely.  That is not how life is designed and it simply is unrealistic to think otherwise.
 
As you look at your situations this week, prefer the pain of preparation.  It will put you in a better position in all that you do.  Doing this works wonders for your attitude, your heart, and your outlook on life.  Always remember regarding pain - choose wisely!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.