The Personality Insights Lounge (blog)

Most of us who are a little older have seen a movie starring John Wayne at one time or another.  Over the years, John Wayne became known as the “man’s man.”  There probably has not been anyone who is tougher, stronger, and more determined to succeed in life, or in the movies, than John Wayne.  He was bigger than life, on screen and off.

I have done a little research into his life and was amused by some of my findings.  According to Wikipedia, the free, online encyclopedia, John Wayne placed third among Americans as their all-time favorite film star.  He is the only deceased star who remains on the list, as well as being the only one who has appeared on the Harris poll every year since it first began in 1994.  In 1999, the American Film Institute named John Wayne as the thirteenth greatest male star of all time.  Anyone who lives on the planet earth has surely heard of John Wayne!

I think the thing that impressed me most about him was not so much his acting career, as much as his strong pro-America stance.  Soviet documents released in 2003, reveal that, despite being a fan of John Wayne’s movies, Joseph Stalin ordered Wayne’s assassination due to his strong anti-communist politics.  Stalin died before the killing could be accomplished.  His successor, Nikita Khrushchev, reportedly told Wayne, during a 1958 visit to the United States, that he had personally rescinded the order.  Don’t you find it interesting that a world-leader such as Joseph Stalin would actually want to kill John Wayne?  Again, he was a unique individual; probably one of a kind.

As much as I appreciate John Wayne as an icon of manhood, I really do wish that all of us could realize that from time to time it is okay to cry.  I know it doesn’t sound very masculine or “manly,” but I think it is important to face the reality that sometimes tears are valuable.  I once heard that tears represent pain that is leaving our body.  I like that!  I think it is a good, healthy approach to life to realize that sometimes a good cry helps you to get a lot of old “poison” out of your system.  I do not think we should go around with a sad look on our face, just waiting to burst out crying at the drop of a hat, but neither do I think it is wise to stuff all of the hurts and disappointments of life into our body and never give ourselves the permission or opportunity for a tearful release.

I have probably shed more tears in the last 10 years of my life than I did in the first 50.  And, yes, if you do the math, you will know that I am 60 years old.  I am not ashamed of the fact that I have shed tears.  Every time it happens, I always feel better after the experience.  It makes me feel more balanced, as well as emotionally healthy.  Again, (and I have to repeat this for all of those in the John Wayne club), I am not talking about living with your feelings on the edge of your sleeve and bursting out crying on a daily basis.  But, I am talking about the value of being vulnerable with a trusted friend and sharing some of the pain, hurt, and sorrow that you have experienced in life.

Around the holiday season, many people feel extra sadness.  I think the holidays sometimes bring out a melancholy feeling and sadness in our heart that life has not turned out exactly as we had planned.  That is okay.  We’ll get through whatever we’re going through at the present moment and be better for it.

John Wayne was quite a character.  One of my favorite quotes from him is, “Life is hard.  It is even harder when you are stupid!”  See what I mean?  He was one tough guy and always had something strong to say.  And, sometimes we need that!  It can help us to develop strength, character, and integrity to fulfill the tasks that lie in front of us.  But, we are also human and when the tears need to come, let me encourage you to allow them to flow.  It will be to your advantage to get the “poison” out and to allow your body and emotions to heal, in order that you can experience the new growth that will come in your personal life.

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Often when we think of a coach, we think of an athletic advisor for a sporting event.  And, there have certainly been some great coaches who have helped many athletes have a better life because of their influence and direction.  In more recent days, however, most of us have heard that a coach can be more than just an athletic advisor.  A coach can be someone who gives you guidance in your own personal life and future. 
 
A coach is someone who looks at something with another set of eyes.  They are able to give advice on the best way to approach the problems and challenges that a person may be facing.  The wonderful thing about a coach is that they usually are not emotionally invested in those situations.  Because they are not emotionally involved, they are able to have a better perspective and a more “level-headed” approach in the process.
 
It is both funny and strange that the coach does not have to be an expert in the exact area in which you need help.  Of course, experience is a plus, but just the very fact that he or she can look at your situation from an unbiased, unemotional perspective, is the issue that will help them give proper perspective.  All I am trying to point out is that a coach can be someone who simply has a different set of eyes.
 
You may have heard the story about the eighteen-wheeler truck that got stuck under a bridge in a busy city.  The Highway Department tried to figure out how they were going to get the truck un-stuck.  They considered everything from cutting off the top of the truck to tearing down the bridge.  The truck was lodged so tightly that it could not budge nor move forward or backwards.  As all of the city planners and brilliant transportation experts studied the situation, a young boy rode up on his bicycle and observed what was taking place.  He strolled over to the man who was in charge and said, “Sir, why don’t you just let some of the air out of the truck’s tires and it will go down a little bit?”
 
Well, as the story goes, everyone looked at each other in amazement because the solution was so simple!  That is the point I am trying to make in this particular Tip.  All of us need someone who can look at our circumstances and situations in a different light.  They surely will be able to see one part of it that perhaps we have overlooked. 
 
Although I am a big believer in gathering wisdom and counsel from someone who is older and wiser, and who has experience in a particular area, I am also open to the fact that a coach may be anyone who gives me information and direction that will help my life and circumstances to be better.  Which one of us has not had a child or grandchild say something that helped us to see something that we had not previously seen?  I know that I am only going to get to live one time so I want to gain all the wisdom I can from as many resources as possible.
 
I have a personal coach who is eleven years older than me.  He is ahead of me in life and where I want to be eleven years from now.  I talk to him about relationships, business, spiritual matters, and other areas of life.  I am grateful to have someone who gives me guidance.  But, I also have coaches who are as young as four years old.  They teach me how to get down on the floor and laugh and not take life so seriously. 
 
I am going to learn from my coaches and I would suggest you do the same.  Begin to look around at who you allow to influence your life and who you listen to for advice and counsel.  Having a coach makes everything go better!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Most of you know that I am a big fan of Chick-fil-A.  I have been eating at the original Dwarf House, where Chick-fil-A started, since 1967.  It is located on Central Avenue, not too far from the Atlanta airport.  That is where Truett Cathy invented his famous sandwich and started his business back in 1946.  Originally it was a very small restaurant with only four booths and four counter seats, hence the name, Dwarf House.  Over the years, it has grown in size but it still remains a cozy place to eat.  Almost everyone who eats there does so on a regular basis.
 
There is a woman who has been working there for many, many years by the name of Rhonda.  She has an incredible attitude.  Regardless of when you walk in or who you are, she will treat you as though you are absolutely the most important customer in the entire world!  She gives you a big hello and sometimes, a hug.  She is always “up” and filled with energy and excitement.  She gets your order right every time and checks on you several times during the meal to see if there is anything else she can do to help you.  She is incredible!
 
Recently I was talking to Rhonda and she told me that they had just promoted her and asked her to teach all of the other servers at the Dwarf House how to do a good job.  She told me that she works with wonderful people and looks forward to teaching them some of the pointers she has learned over the years through her own personal experience.
 
I am not surprised that they chose Rhonda to teach the other servers.  She is so fantastic that it just follows that she should be the one to be in charge of the training.  There is an old saying, “Cream always rises to the top,” and this is certainly true in her case.  All of the other people who are trained by Rhonda will surely have the benefit of her experience and expertise.
 
I congratulated Rhonda and told her that I was proud of her, but she just shrugged it off as no big deal.  She went on about her business with the excellent service and great attitude that she always has had in the past, and which I am sure that she will have in the future.
 
The reason I believe Rhonda is so successful is largely because she enjoys serving people.  It is not “put-on,” or fake, or for show.  It simply comes out of her heart.  She attracts people because she has a genuine servant’s spirit.
 
Have you ever stopped to think about what really causes success in any business endeavor?  I believe it comes down to good service.  Think about the places you enjoy going to most.  Isn’t it because there is good service involved?  And think about how you feel when you get bad service.  It causes you to not want to do any further business with that establishment, doesn’t it?
 
At the end of the day, everything boils down to service.  If a company is succeeding, it is not only because they have a good product, but also because they give good customer service.  And, it also does not matter if it is in a business relationship or a personal one.  Anybody who is part of a family and knows how to genuinely love and serve other people will soon be thought of as someone who is very special in that family, indeed. 
 
It is easy to talk about this.  It is easy to write articles about it.  It is even easy to watch Rhonda do it.  The hard part of service comes where the rubber meets the road.  That is the question, “Am I able to have a servant’s heart towards other people?”  “Am I willing to really care for them and put their needs and wants first?”  This is not easy to do.  Sometimes there are challenges that get in our way and make it necessary for us to deal with situations that are very painful, hurtful, and sometimes expensive.  Yet, I have found that if I can keep a servant’s heart and truly desire to be a blessing and an encouragement to other people, it always makes everything go better; even during the difficult times.
 
If you are ever close to the Dwarf House, be sure to drop by.  Ask for Rhonda and tell her you read an article about her once in the Tip of the Week.  Tell her that you are proud to meet her.  She will be a celebrity for sure!  And, you know the crazy thing about it?  The notoriety will not change the way Rhonda acts one bit.  She will continue to love and serve people with a great attitude because that is just the way she is wired. 
 
I want to be wired like her!  I am working on it.  I’m not there yet, but I am making progress.  I am sure you feel the same way, don’t you?

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

I can already tell that some of you are saying to yourself, “Well, I certainly do not want to read that Tip!  I already have enough pain in my life.”  However, if you will bear with me for a moment, I think the approach we will take to this Tip will help all of us to be in a better position to understand how the pain process works.
 
Recently I heard my good friend, Guy Harris, share this concept.  Guy is an excellent communicator and has a way of breaking down complex thoughts into simple concepts.  He shared that pain is actually inevitable.  We will either experience the pain of preparation, which takes place before we win, or experience the pain of losing when circumstances do not turn out as expected.  Guy went on to explain that preparation is difficult and takes a lot of time and hard work.  It is painful to know exactly how to prepare for an upcoming situation whether in a business endeavor or in a relationship.  When we walk into a situation, there will always be some unknown factors and a few surprises along the way.  Preparation is important and can be very difficult at times.  On the other hand, after you have prepared and done all that you can to succeed, the hard cold fact of reality is that sometimes you still lose.  And again, that is painful as well.  Guy encouraged us to know that we would experience pain either on the front end of a situation or the back side of one.  He also pointed out to us that the pain of preparation was usually much less agonizing than the pain of losing.  He concluded by saying, “You are going to experience pain, therefore, choose wisely!”
 
I appreciate good concepts and I certainly value the truth of what Guy was teaching.  It is a fact that none of us are going to get through life without pain.  It is inevitable, but I prefer to choose the pain of preparation rather than the pain of losing. 
 
My mind drifted back to the time President Ronald Reagan was speaking to the Olympic athletes in 1984.  President Reagan said, “You, ladies and gentlemen, perhaps more than anyone else, know the difference between the will to win and the will to prepare to win.”  What was President Reagan saying?  He was basically saying, “You are going to experience pain.  However, you have chosen the pain of preparation.  You have chosen wisely.  You have prepared to do the very best you can to win an Olympic medal.”  Did all of the athletes win Olympic medals?  No.  Some experienced the pain of losing and came home with absolutely nothing.  But, on the other hand, some did win.  Some experienced the thrill of victory rather than the agony of defeat.  Yet, all of them experienced preparation pain.  They all chose wisely. 
 
Life is filled with daily choices.  When Guy said, “Choose wisely,” I thought that those were probably two of the most important words that any person could ever hear.  Regardless of the circumstances or situation in which we find ourselves, we should choose wisely.  We should choose the pain of preparation over the pain of losing every time.  If we do not choose the pain of preparation, then the pain of losing will be the natural by product and outcome.  It is inevitable.  On the other hand, if we do choose the pain of preparation, we have a good chance of bypassing the pain of losing.  We have a good opportunity to better our circumstances and situations. 
 
Having thought about this for the past few days has helped me look at daily circumstances more realistically.   Rather than feeling defeated when I am walking into a new situation, I have started realizing that the upfront pain is a whole lot less than the pain on the other end may be.  It has helped me to face the concept of pain with a little more reality, rather than wishing it would go away completely.  That is not how life is designed and it simply is unrealistic to think otherwise.
 
As you look at your situations this week, prefer the pain of preparation.  It will put you in a better position in all that you do.  Doing this works wonders for your attitude, your heart, and your outlook on life.  Always remember regarding pain - choose wisely!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

If you follow sports, you may have heard of Roger Bannister.  He began his running career when he was a student at Oxford University in 1946.  Prior to that time, he had never actually run on a track.  Back in those days, no one had access to the expert training skills that are offered today.  But, he showed incredible promise in 1947, when he ran a mile in 4 minutes and 24 seconds.  At that time, he had only been training for three weeks!  He was selected as an Olympic possible in 1948, but he did not feel ready for that level of competition.  However, he did attend the Olympics in 1948 and set his eyes on the 1952 games which were to be held in Helsinki. 
 
He continued to train over the next years and saw great improvement.  By 1950, he was running the mile in 4 minutes and 13 seconds.  As time passed, he trained harder and more seriously.  In December of 1951 at the Penn relays, he ran the mile at a rate of 4 minutes and 7 seconds.  Forty-seven thousand people were in the stands cheering him on and with their encouragement, he felt that he could break the barrier.
 
Over the years, there had been many speculations about the possibility of the 4 minute mile.  Some believed that it was impossible, claiming that a runner’s heart would explode if they tried.  Roger Bannister, who later became a medical doctor, stated that many of the propagated myths had been created by sports writers who wanted to profit from the stories.  The world record had been 4 minutes and 1.4 seconds for over nine years.  However, Bannister still thought that the 4 minute mile barrier could be broken and on May 6, 1954, at the Iffley Road track in Oxford, Roger Bannister broke the record. 
 
I wanted to give that background to honor his achievement, but that really is not the purpose of this Tip.  The fact of the matter is that, although Roger Bannister broke a record that had been held for over 9 years, the more amazing thing to me is what happened afterwards.  Forty-six days later, on June 21, Bannister’s record was broken by John Landy, of Australia.  He broke the record by almost 2 seconds! 
 
In the days ahead, Bannister and Landy met and raced each other.  Although Landy led in the beginning, he made a fatal mistake towards the end of the race by looking back over his left shoulder to see where Bannister was and Roger Bannister ran past him to win the contest.  That was a costly mistake which would serve to remind us that we all should keep our eyes on the goal and prize ahead of us, rather than on what might be going on around us.  But, that is still not the purpose of this Tip!
 
I suppose by now you are wondering, “Well, Dr. Rohm, what IS the purpose of this Tip?!”  The point is this; barriers can be broken! 
 
Since the time that particular barrier was broken, there have been runners all over the world who have run the mile in less than 4 minutes.  As a matter of fact, there are children in junior high school who have done it!  What was once thought of as an impossible barrier by the greatest runner in the world has now been surpassed even by junior high kids.  I find that to be remarkable! 
 
What I want you to get from this Tip is that often barriers exist only in our mind.  What is a barrier to me may not be a barrier to you at all.  The things that hinder me in my life may seem very simple to you.  I may let things bother me that are very insignificant.  You may run right past them; and in record time.  Barriers can be broken!
 
I will always be amazed that what was once thought to be impossible is now something that has been accomplished by junior high school kids all over the world.  Isn’t that startling?  Their attitude is just, “Go ahead and do the best you can and see what happens.”  (By the way, I think that is the approach we all should take.)  It worked for Roger Bannister in his life; it works for junior high school kids today; and it will work for all of us, too.  Go ahead, do the best you can and see what happens!