The Personality Insights Lounge (blog)

What if you knew that today was the most important day of your life?  What if you knew that something was going to happen today that would be the turning point of your life?  What if you knew that one day you would be able to look back at some seemingly insignificant occurrence of today and realize that it was a pivotal point for your entire future?  Do you want to know what I believe?  I believe that today is that day.  Let me explain.

Each day of our life contains decisions and circumstances that, although small at the time, add up to create the total picture.  Life’s big decisions and major turning points are all the result of minor decisions and seemingly insignificant events.  If a person gets to the end of their life having attained great financial success, more than likely it is not because they won the lottery.  It is probably because they knew the importance of saving a little at a time, in order to create wealth at the end of the journey.  I think many of us are beginning now to see the wisdom of the older generation who preached that we should save our money for a rainy day and not spend it all as though it were burning a hole in our pocket.  They were right!  Carrying a load of debt with no thought to saving is not really a good way to plan for the future.  Unfortunately, many of us do not learn that lesson until we experience the pain of our poor financial decisions.  And, there are other areas as well.

I had lunch not too long ago with a gentleman who said that in the past he had heard that real estate could actually go down in value, but that he really did not understand that concept until recently when the housing market took a dive.  You see, his experience helped him to understand his knowledge.

The same thing holds true in relationships.  When you get married, you don’t just marry one person.  You marry an entire family!  The wedding is only a one-day event and then the building of relationships in the entire family continues for the rest of one’s life. 

I won’t even go into what a few moments of heated passion can lead to.  You see, it seems like an event at the time, but it isn’t long before you realize it is a building block that affects nearly every area of your life.

And, think about our physical health.  I will always remember the time one of my daughters told me that we could go buy a dozen hot Krispy Kreme donuts and either eat them or just tape them right up on our hips!  Eating foods that aren’t necessarily good for us can seem like an insignificant activity, yet those choices become building blocks which can add inches to our frame and affect our health.

All I am saying is that I wish someone had explained to me early on in life that each day is a building block that helps to create my life.  I was not aware that all of the little decisions and things I did, that seemed to be only one-time events, would build upon each other to become the structure of my life.  The decisions we make, whether they be spiritual, moral, financial, relational, or social, all seem so innocent on a daily one-time basis, and then one day we wake up to see what they have produced.

As we come to the end of this year and prepare for the next, I trust that you will look at life as a total picture.  Let’s construct some great blocks in the future that will build a good life and a greater building because we have realized that the little daily decisions all add up to create the sum total of who we are.

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Most of us who are a little older have seen a movie starring John Wayne at one time or another.  Over the years, John Wayne became known as the “man’s man.”  There probably has not been anyone who is tougher, stronger, and more determined to succeed in life, or in the movies, than John Wayne.  He was bigger than life, on screen and off.

I have done a little research into his life and was amused by some of my findings.  According to Wikipedia, the free, online encyclopedia, John Wayne placed third among Americans as their all-time favorite film star.  He is the only deceased star who remains on the list, as well as being the only one who has appeared on the Harris poll every year since it first began in 1994.  In 1999, the American Film Institute named John Wayne as the thirteenth greatest male star of all time.  Anyone who lives on the planet earth has surely heard of John Wayne!

I think the thing that impressed me most about him was not so much his acting career, as much as his strong pro-America stance.  Soviet documents released in 2003, reveal that, despite being a fan of John Wayne’s movies, Joseph Stalin ordered Wayne’s assassination due to his strong anti-communist politics.  Stalin died before the killing could be accomplished.  His successor, Nikita Khrushchev, reportedly told Wayne, during a 1958 visit to the United States, that he had personally rescinded the order.  Don’t you find it interesting that a world-leader such as Joseph Stalin would actually want to kill John Wayne?  Again, he was a unique individual; probably one of a kind.

As much as I appreciate John Wayne as an icon of manhood, I really do wish that all of us could realize that from time to time it is okay to cry.  I know it doesn’t sound very masculine or “manly,” but I think it is important to face the reality that sometimes tears are valuable.  I once heard that tears represent pain that is leaving our body.  I like that!  I think it is a good, healthy approach to life to realize that sometimes a good cry helps you to get a lot of old “poison” out of your system.  I do not think we should go around with a sad look on our face, just waiting to burst out crying at the drop of a hat, but neither do I think it is wise to stuff all of the hurts and disappointments of life into our body and never give ourselves the permission or opportunity for a tearful release.

I have probably shed more tears in the last 10 years of my life than I did in the first 50.  And, yes, if you do the math, you will know that I am 60 years old.  I am not ashamed of the fact that I have shed tears.  Every time it happens, I always feel better after the experience.  It makes me feel more balanced, as well as emotionally healthy.  Again, (and I have to repeat this for all of those in the John Wayne club), I am not talking about living with your feelings on the edge of your sleeve and bursting out crying on a daily basis.  But, I am talking about the value of being vulnerable with a trusted friend and sharing some of the pain, hurt, and sorrow that you have experienced in life.

Around the holiday season, many people feel extra sadness.  I think the holidays sometimes bring out a melancholy feeling and sadness in our heart that life has not turned out exactly as we had planned.  That is okay.  We’ll get through whatever we’re going through at the present moment and be better for it.

John Wayne was quite a character.  One of my favorite quotes from him is, “Life is hard.  It is even harder when you are stupid!”  See what I mean?  He was one tough guy and always had something strong to say.  And, sometimes we need that!  It can help us to develop strength, character, and integrity to fulfill the tasks that lie in front of us.  But, we are also human and when the tears need to come, let me encourage you to allow them to flow.  It will be to your advantage to get the “poison” out and to allow your body and emotions to heal, in order that you can experience the new growth that will come in your personal life.

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Often when we think of a coach, we think of an athletic advisor for a sporting event.  And, there have certainly been some great coaches who have helped many athletes have a better life because of their influence and direction.  In more recent days, however, most of us have heard that a coach can be more than just an athletic advisor.  A coach can be someone who gives you guidance in your own personal life and future. 
 
A coach is someone who looks at something with another set of eyes.  They are able to give advice on the best way to approach the problems and challenges that a person may be facing.  The wonderful thing about a coach is that they usually are not emotionally invested in those situations.  Because they are not emotionally involved, they are able to have a better perspective and a more “level-headed” approach in the process.
 
It is both funny and strange that the coach does not have to be an expert in the exact area in which you need help.  Of course, experience is a plus, but just the very fact that he or she can look at your situation from an unbiased, unemotional perspective, is the issue that will help them give proper perspective.  All I am trying to point out is that a coach can be someone who simply has a different set of eyes.
 
You may have heard the story about the eighteen-wheeler truck that got stuck under a bridge in a busy city.  The Highway Department tried to figure out how they were going to get the truck un-stuck.  They considered everything from cutting off the top of the truck to tearing down the bridge.  The truck was lodged so tightly that it could not budge nor move forward or backwards.  As all of the city planners and brilliant transportation experts studied the situation, a young boy rode up on his bicycle and observed what was taking place.  He strolled over to the man who was in charge and said, “Sir, why don’t you just let some of the air out of the truck’s tires and it will go down a little bit?”
 
Well, as the story goes, everyone looked at each other in amazement because the solution was so simple!  That is the point I am trying to make in this particular Tip.  All of us need someone who can look at our circumstances and situations in a different light.  They surely will be able to see one part of it that perhaps we have overlooked. 
 
Although I am a big believer in gathering wisdom and counsel from someone who is older and wiser, and who has experience in a particular area, I am also open to the fact that a coach may be anyone who gives me information and direction that will help my life and circumstances to be better.  Which one of us has not had a child or grandchild say something that helped us to see something that we had not previously seen?  I know that I am only going to get to live one time so I want to gain all the wisdom I can from as many resources as possible.
 
I have a personal coach who is eleven years older than me.  He is ahead of me in life and where I want to be eleven years from now.  I talk to him about relationships, business, spiritual matters, and other areas of life.  I am grateful to have someone who gives me guidance.  But, I also have coaches who are as young as four years old.  They teach me how to get down on the floor and laugh and not take life so seriously. 
 
I am going to learn from my coaches and I would suggest you do the same.  Begin to look around at who you allow to influence your life and who you listen to for advice and counsel.  Having a coach makes everything go better!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

As most of you know, we will be celebrating Thanksgiving here in the United States this week.  It is the day we set aside to specifically remember to be thankful for all of the blessings of life.  I am sure that everyone reading this Tip has things for which they are truly grateful.  I am also sure that some of you have experienced challenges this past year or are facing them right now.  That is just the nature of life.  However, I do believe that having an attitude of gratitude is one unyielding truth that can take us through any situation.
 
When I say gratitude, I mean that we are genuinely grateful for what we are learning through the circumstances we may be facing.  I am not saying that we should be glad for something bad happening in our life or circumstances.  However, I am saying that the things that we learn through the circumstances that we face all make us better.  And, the key to getting better, rather than bitter, during the process is maintaining an attitude of gratefulness and thanksgiving in our heart.
 
Stop and think about it for a moment.  What are your alternatives?  When things do not go the way you want them to, you can easily become frustrated, angry, and bitter.  But, is that really going to help?  Will that make matters any better?  Will it help your health?  Will it help your relationships?  I think the answer to all of those questions is a big NO!  You and I realize that having those negative attitudes will do nothing to bring about positive results.  The only real hope that any of us have during difficult times is the healing power of a grateful heart.  That is all that will sustain us or get us through hard circumstances.
 
I was recently speaking to someone who went through a terrible divorce many years ago.  He shared that he had spent many sleepless nights reliving all of the difficult experiences he had faced during his marriage.  He recounted to me the good times and the bad.  He told me that if he had to do it all over again, even though it was extremely painful, he would be willing to do so, simply for the things he learned about himself and about life during the process.  He went on to say that he now knew how to better communicate with not just other females, but with everyone in general, because of the things he had learned that he had done wrong in his marriage.  He concluded our conversation by saying, “I don’t think there was any other way I could have learned these things except through this failure.  I am actually grateful for everything I have gone through and experienced.”  Did you catch the last thing that he said?  It was the attitude of gratefulness that carried the day.  That was the issue that gave him peace in his heart and was the defining factor in the entire situation. 
 
It is certainly true that all of us need to remember that the secret key to dealing with anything that is hard in life is gratitude.  I know that during this Thanksgiving season, the focus is on our freedom, our country and our well-being as a nation.  But, I am also aware that on a more personal basis, the real key to our own happiness during this Thanksgiving season is looking past the turkey and all the good food deep into our own hearts to find a spirit of gratefulness for all that life has brought our way. 
 
Again, I think it is important to make changes and to avoid problems whenever possible.  Although it is true that pain is inevitable, I believe that suffering is optional.  And, the thing that keeps us away from suffering, while at the same time greatly reducing the pain, is a grateful spirit.
 
I hope that this is your best Thanksgiving ever!  Regardless of where you live throughout the world, remember that thanksgiving and having a grateful heart is not just for one day of the year.  It is ultimately the secret that actually takes us through every day of our life!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D
Personality Insights, Inc.

Recently I was reading an article by Colin Powell.  General Powell is the former Secretary of State and he is a retired, four-star general.  Most of us have heard of him and his outstanding military career, as well as his public service to our country.  He was being interviewed and was asked, “What is the best advice you have ever gotten?”  As I read his answer, I thought, “This is great information!  I will have to share it in a Tip.”  This is an excerpt from that article by General Powell:

When I was a young infantry officer at Fort Benning, Georgia, we had a lot of old captains who had served in WWII and Korea.  They were not going to go any higher in rank, but boy, did they know a lot about soldiering.  So, I didn’t learn this piece of barracks wisdom from an Eisenhower or Pershing.  I heard it from these wonderful Reserve captains.  This is the story:

There was a brand new Second Lieutenant who was very ambitious and wanted to be a General.  One night at the Officer’s Club, the young officer spotted this old General sitting at the bar and he went up and said, “How do I become a General?”  And the old General answered, “Son, you’ve got to work like a dog.  You’ve got to have moral and physical courage.  There may be days you’re tired, but you must never show fatigue.  You’ll be afraid, but you can never show fear.  You must always be the leader.”  The young officer was so excited by this advice.  “Thank you, sir,” he said.  “So, this is how I become a General?”  “No,” said the General, “that’s how you become a First Lieutenant, and then you keep doing it over and over.”

Throughout my career I have always tried to do my best today, think about tomorrow, and maybe dream a bit about the future.  But, doing your best in the present has to be the rule.  You won’t become a General unless you become a good First Lieutenant.

I want to publicly thank General Colin Powell for being an outstanding American and for helping us all learn how to grow to the next position, regardless of where we are in life, by relating his own story.

I am looking forward to seeing each of us “move up in rank” as a result of working hard today!

Have a great week! God bless you!

Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.