I realize that this Tip literally goes around the world and is not exclusive to those of us who live here in the United States. However, if you will indulge me on this particular Tip, I think it will cross international lines and mean something special to each one of us.
The 4th of July has come to mean a great deal to all of us who live in America. It is the date that we celebrate our independence as a nation. The United States of America chose to stand on its own two feet centuries ago. Because of that, rather than looking for a handout from someone else in the world, we have largely been the ones to extend a helping hand to others; whether it has been through medical aid, food distribution, missionary work, education, or numerous other areas of humanitarian endeavor. The reason all of this is possible is because of our great desire to be a free people and a free nation.
Rather than getting political or philosophical, let me go to a story. That is where I find my strength and communication skills.
You may have seen the movie, “Braveheart,” starring Mel Gibson. It gives a good, clear picture of what freedom is all about. The movie portrays the period of time when Scotland was under the rule of England. There had been many abuses over a long period of time. Finally, those men and women who lived in Scotland had had enough. (Now, please don’t misunderstand. I have many friends in England and mean no disrespect.) However, there came a time when Scotland wanted to be an independent nation separate from England. Because the people of Scotland wanted their freedom, they were willing to fight and even die, rather than be under the rule of another country. At the end of the movie, William Wallace (played by Mel Gibson) was captured and about to be executed. He was asked if he had any final words. If you have seen the movie, you know that with all his strength, the last thing he yelled was the word, “Freedom!”
Perhaps the main reason that wars have been started is because one country wanted to dominate another. The desire to be free always comes at a great price.
Freedom affects us not only nationally, but individually as well. None of us wants to be a slave. Even if we have a job working for a company, we want to know that we have some freedom within that job to excel. We want to do our best. We want to achieve bigger and better things. That can only happen when given the freedom to do so.
And, of course, ultimate freedom is when a person has worked long enough and has enough money to completely live on his or her own without ever having to work again. That should be a goal for all of us who want to retire one day.
Unfortunately we have learned in recent years that security can be illusive. Many who thought they were financially secure have discovered that their investments have failed or that some unscrupulous company has mishandled their money causing them to lose their entire life savings. What a tragedy!
If someone offered to take care of our livelihood, make sure that we had insurance, health care, money in our pockets, a house to live in, and every other provision of life, it would be very tempting to accept that kind of security, wouldn’t it? However, history has shown us that kind of security never lasts very long. The only kind of security that has ever lived through the ages and has proven itself through the tests of time is that of freedom.
My goal in writing this Tip is simply to remind all of us that there is a difference between freedom and security. Freedom is always better! It comes at a great price. Personally I am grateful for all those who have gone before us to lead the way, to fight and to do whatever was necessary in order that we could experience independence.
It is my hope and prayer that will be true for all of us, because when we are free, we are in a position to do the best we can for ourselves, our families and for other people.
Have a great week! God bless you!
Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.
Almost all of us have at some point in our lives had circumstances or situations that were unexpected or which caught us off guard. Those times can be difficult. Someone once wisely noted that it is not so much what happens to you in life that matters; rather, it is in how you deal with what comes your way. I have come to believe that is very true!
There are four things that we can do which will help us to deal with the unexpected challenges of life. Each of these is a very important step to take which will get us through our difficult times and bring us to the destination where we will find peace, happiness and fulfillment.
The first step is to focus on the future, rather than the past. It is so easy to fall into the “if only” game. In the last several months, I have heard so many people talk about bad investments they have made and “if only” they had seen a recession coming, they would have done things differently.
Instead of worrying about who is to blame or what kind of unwise decision you may have made, why not focus on where you need to be and the steps you want to take in order to get there? It is very important to get a good, clear visual image in your mind of what you want your future to look like. Then, begin moving in that direction and take the next necessary action steps that will help you to accomplish the vision and dream you have in your mind. I do not think the past should be ignored, but after taking a few minutes to look at the situation, it is essential to get firmly focused, like a heat-seeking missile, on your future.
The second thing that we need to do is begin to focus on the solution. I cannot count the number of times that I have talked to people who have problems and all they want to do is rehearse their problem over and over and over again, rather than looking for the solution.
Years ago when I was a school principal, we had a printing press. One day, a metal pin broke in the machine and it would not work. When we called the repair company, they told us that it would be a couple of weeks before they could have it fixed. Although I am not mechanically inclined, I looked it over just to see what I thought was the problem. When I saw where the pin had broken, I got the idea of sticking a 16-penny nail down in the hole and see what would happen. Sure enough, when we turned the press back on, it worked just fine.
Eventually, the repairman came to correct the problem and when he saw what I had done, he told me that was one of the most ingenious solutions he had ever seen. All I know is that I was not looking at the problem; I was looking for the solution. And, I found one! Some of the greatest solutions in the world have come about because there was a problem. It is true - necessity is the mother of invention.
So, when there is a problem, think and talk about the solution. Try to find what the next step would be to overcome the obstacles or set-backs that you are facing. Rather than wasting time rehashing, discussing and reflecting on the problem, get clearly focused on the solution. When you focus on the solution, you are focusing on the positive. When you focus on the problem, you are just focusing on the negative. As soon as you begin to think in terms of a solution there is a shift that takes place which turns you into a positive, constructive human being.
The third step is to look for the good in everything that takes place. This is where it really gets difficult. Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, who was the father of positive thinking, once said, “Whenever God wants to give us a gift, He wraps it up in a problem.” Just being aware of that concept has helped me have a better attitude when I face a problem.
If someone gave you a gift, but you did not like the wrapping paper, you certainly would not make a big deal about it. You would simply, very quickly get past the wrapping paper and open the present. I would imagine that every one of us has gotten a nice gift that wasn’t wrapped perfectly at sometime in our lives. But, we didn’t complain, because the gift was much more valuable than the wrapping paper. The bigger the gift that you receive, the bigger the problem in which it may be wrapped. But, again, look at the gift rather than how it is delivered or what wrapping paper it came in.
Finally, seek to find a valuable lesson in whatever happens. If each one of us believes that the challenges that come our way are exactly what we need in order to help us become successful, then we will not become bitter or resentful when we have a challenge on our hands. The situation that we face is actually, I believe, trying to teach us something and help us be a better person so that we can learn and grow in some area of life.
All of us have a choice as to how we deal with life and the circumstances that come our way. These four ideas have come as a result of things I have learned in my own life which have given me direction and guidance to help get me through some challenging times. I trust they will be helpful to you as well!
Have a great week! God bless you!
Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.
Not long ago I was having lunch with my grandson, Sam, at Chick-fil-A. He is only six years old, but he is full of life. He reminds me a lot of myself when I was a little boy. I always try to be fully rested and have lots of time on my hands whenever I am with Sam because I know it is going to be a great experience!
Because I sense in his personality that Sam wants to be in charge of some things, even though he is only six, I am always looking for opportunities to give him a leadership role.
On this particular day, I told him that if he ate all of his lunch he would be able to have an ice cream cone. So, when we finished eating, I gave him two one-dollar bills and asked him to go get both of us an ice cream cone. He just stood there and stared at me. I could see confusion all over his face. He squinted his eyes and looked at me as though he was totally confused. I wondered what could be so hard about going to get two ice cream cones, so I asked, “Is something wrong?”
Sam looked at me and said, “Well…would it be okay if we got some ice cream for the cones?”
I started laughing because I suddenly realized that to a six year old an “ice cream cone” doesn’t automatically come with ice cream on it! Technically, he was right. An ice cream cone is a cone. You can go to the grocery store and buy a whole box of ice cream cones and absolutely none of them will have ice cream on them! You have to put the ice cream on the cone in order for it to be complete. That was the picture that Sam had in his mind. Yet, I thought I was being perfectly clear.
By the way, do any of you know what I do for a living? I am a professional communicator! I stand up and speak to people because I am an expert in being clear in everything that I say! Ha! Ha! Now Sam was helping me understand that to a child, an ice cream cone may also need some ice cream on top of it.
I laughed and pulled him close to me as I hugged him and told him that I thought that was so funny. He still had this puzzled look on his face like, “What is so funny about that? I just want to know if I can have some ice cream on my cone.” Then I began to explain to him that in a restaurant, an ice cream cone automatically came with ice cream. The ice cream and the cone were not two items but they were actually one. So, I bragged on him for helping me to become clearer in my communication skills. He seemed to be happy and proud that he had taught “Pawpaw” a good lesson.
Now that may seem like a simple illustration to you, but the point of this Tip is very simple: I think one of the most important things that I do to help me communicate more clearly and effectively with adults is to spend time talking to children. You see, a child will help you to know whether you are being clear or not. Many times, we as adults, take things for granted when we really are only confusing our audience. Adults are sometimes too shy or embarrassed to say that they have no idea what we are talking about. But, not a child! They will let you know very quickly that you are being confusing to them. If you want to be a better communicator, I suggest you sit down and spend some time with a child. They will help you to see whether or not you are being clear in what you say.
I have had many compliments on the Tip of the Week over the years. People tell me they enjoy reading them because they are so easy to understand and so practical. Well, this week I am finally revealing my “well-kept” secret. It is because I spend time with children. I would suggest you do the same. It will help you to be clearer in all that you do!
Have a great week! God bless you!
Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.
Most of you know that I am a motivational speaker. I do a lot of teaching and training all over the world. I have already had five international trips this year and have several more on the calendar. I am not saying that to boast; I am simply saying that I travel and speak a lot. As you might well imagine, traveling and doing so much speaking has provided me with many challenging situations. However, one of the things that has helped me to stay calm in life is to realize that “glitch happens”.
Whenever I am about to speak at an event, I know that there is a good chance that the PA system will not work; the microphone may start to squeal; it may be too loud; or, it may not work at all. I have spoken to more dead mikes than an Irish undertaker! I have learned not to let it upset me though because I understand that more than likely, glitch will happen.
I was speaking in Dallas, Texas, at a large convention not long ago. After it was over, there was a young man standing in line who wanted to talk to me. Every time I looked at him to indicate that he was next, he would step aside and let someone else move ahead of him in line. I could tell he seemed a little bit upset and perhaps he wanted to be the last one so that he could speak to me alone. Sure enough, after everyone had finished talking to me, he stepped up and said, “I am so embarrassed!”
I said, “Why, what happened?”
He proceeded to tell me that he was in charge of recording my session, but that he got so excited when I first started speaking that he forgot to turn the recorder on. Then he asked if I would mind going back up on the stage and giving my talk again so that he could record it. I could hardly believe my ears! There were only two of us left in an empty room and he wanted me to do my entire presentation again with the same energy and enthusiasm that I had just finished! I gave him a pat on the shoulder and told him that would not be possible. I also encouraged him to realize that sometimes glitch happens, but that he could learn from the mistake and do better in the future.
I think because we live in the age of technology, there are just so many more opportunities for something to go wrong. Whether it be a microphone, a PA system, a CD or DVD that is supposed to play, a computer that is supposed to work, or a LCD player that is supposed to show a picture on a screen, everything is suspect. It can be challenging to face all of the variables that take place in technology when glitch happens.
The other day, I talked with a friend who rented a DVD and it wouldn’t work. When he took it back to the store, the person simply wiped it off with a soft cloth and then it worked fine. The next night, I wanted to play a DVD and it wouldn’t work. I wiped it off with a soft cloth and it worked just fine! I had learned a good lesson to use in the future. I also thought to myself, “Glitch happens!”
I cannot tell you how many phone calls I have been right in the middle of when all of a sudden we were disconnected from each other. (I can see some of you smiling and nodding your head right now.) For some reason beyond the control of any one human being, things sometimes just fall apart. It may be because of the weather, which interferes with technology; perhaps, a loose cable is why things do not work.
We recently had a major problem with the speed of our internet because technicians were working on some wires one street over from us and accidentally did not re-connect ours to the right source. Rather than letting those things cause me to have a heart attack or high blood pressure, I just say to myself, “Glitch happens!”
I do not believe in being negative nor do I believe in being stupid. I do think we should be efficient and try to stay ahead of the game in whatever capacity possible in order to minimize the chance of things going wrong. We cannot go through life like an ostrich with its head in the sand, ignoring the possibility of those kinds of challenges. If we do, we are going to have some big surprises in front of us.
This week, why not take a look at some of the things you have coming up. Ask yourself what could go wrong. What kind of glitch could possibly happen in that situation? Don’t wait until the last minute to check out the PA system. Don’t wait until the last minute to see if the computer or the LCD player works. In other words, head off glitch wherever you can before it gets you.
This Tip may seem rather silly to you, but I have found that by understanding that sometimes things will go wrong, I have been able to look ahead and see what I can do to be more professional and more efficient in my dealing with technology and people. I have not been able to stop glitch from happening, but I sure have been able to keep it from surprising me as much as it used to.
I hope this helps!
Have a great week! God bless you!
Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.
One of the most important things we can learn to do in life is to face our fears. I believe that fear is a motivator that can either help us or hurt us. When fear attacks and you are terrified, you can only do one of two things: You can run from it, or face it and walk into it.
There are two different kinds of fear: healthy and unhealthy. I am afraid to touch a hot stove. That is a good, healthy fear. I have learned from personal experience and the experience of others, that a hot stove can be dangerous. I am glad that I have a healthy respect and fear of a hot stove!
An unhealthy kind of fear might be that of learning how to use a computer, which was one of my biggest fears. I am technically challenged, so when I started using the computer, everything about it scared me - even the on/off button! Because of my limited knowledge, the more I worked with it, the more frustrated I became. There were a few times that I even wanted to wrap my hands around its throat and choke it to death, but I didn’t know where its throat was!
I read an article several years ago stating that one of the most difficult things a person over the age of 35 would ever learn how to do was use a computer or program a VCR. I did not want to be defeated by a machine! Since I knew that technology was the wave of the future, I decided that I needed to embrace the computer and learn how to use it. The more familiar I became with it the less terrified I was. You see, I walked into my fear rather than running from it.
Another unhealthy fear might be that of being around people. Carl Smith, who is our Director of Business and Product Development here at Personality Insights, Inc., once told me that when he was young he was terrified of people. In fact, when his relatives came to his house to visit, he would go to his bedroom and hide.
It is amazing to me that Carl, who was once afraid of his own relatives, is now one of the most outgoing, friendly people I have ever met in my life! When people hear his story, they are proud of him and are so excited about his success in this area. Hearing of his accomplishment causes them to realize that they can do the same thing.
My good friends, Joe and Dawn Pici, speak and train on sales and cold calling. Joe says, “Do what you don’t like until you do like it, then you will become an expert at it!” In other words, if you face your fear and defeat it, then it will become a new strength.
The key to overcoming your fear is to simply start. If you are afraid of meeting people, just start by smiling and saying, “Hello.” Even if you are on an elevator you can start by saying “good morning.” Or, when you meet someone new, shake hands with them and say, “It’s nice to meet you.” That’s a start.
I love baseball and have already been to one of the Atlanta Braves games this year. One thing I find fascinating about a baseball player is that he will approach the batter’s box with his heart beating rapidly and he will do everything in his power to succeed. He faces his fear. Yet, seven out of ten times, he will fail. If he can succeed in getting on base three out of ten times he is up to bat, he will end up in the Hall of Fame. You see, people love and admire others who are willing to start.
If you run from what terrifies you most, you are running in the wrong direction! If, however, you are willing to face whatever terrifies you and walk into it, rather than running from it, you will be a winner! There will be people cheering you on, just like we cheer on baseball players and other sports figures.
If anyone as shy as Carl can overcome his shyness with his own relatives, surely other people can overcome their fear as well. And, if anyone who is as computer illiterate as me can overcome that, I guarantee you that anyone can! The key is simply to start.
Most of us have enough common sense to recognize healthy fears from unhealthy fears. If someone asked you to jump out of a plane without a parachute, and you were feeling fear, I would tell you that is a good healthy fear. I am not asking you to do something foolish here. Most of us can tell the difference between the two.
All I am saying is that when I think that what I am trying to do is sensible and I still feel terrified, I refuse to allow that to control me. I am not going to run from it; I am going to walk into it. The best I can tell, that is the right thing to do. Will you join me?
Have a great week! God bless you!
Robert Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.